


SNK x Reader Mix

by FandomDerp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Child Reader, F/M, Maybe fluff, Multi, already uploaded on deviantart, theres mostly angst, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-20 01:29:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 32,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5987509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomDerp/pseuds/FandomDerp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of  Shingeki no Kyojin and readers that I've uploaded on DeviantArt as well (under the same name). I'll add another story on whenever I write one on Deviant. Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy!</p><p>All of these belong to FandomDerp, me. Please do not take.</p><p>All characters belong to Shingeki No Kyojin</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Antephialtic | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Antephialtic (n.) - protector or guardian against one's nightmares

Night and night again, it would come to the same hour, where (Name) would wake up to a twitching, kicking Levi. He would kick off any remaining covers, break into a sweat and sometimes, let out painful cries, only heard by the gentle soul beside him.  
  
The same soul, that would then stay up and stroke his hair until he fell asleep again, arms wrapped around each other like vines.   
  
Both of them lost sleep. Still, neither would trade the moments they had together for anything. Not when he'd leave the next morning without a word, not when she'd pray for his safety outside the walls, dealing with Humanity's worst enemy.   
  
The small moments they had together when they both were awake was both a blessing and curse, trapping them in a never ending loop of sleepless nights, and gentle love.  
  
It was beautiful in it's own way. They both knew sleep was hard for a soldier, especially the night before an expedition. Night after night, day after day, Levi couldn't escape the hushed voices plaguing his head, turning his daydreams to nightmares within seconds, turning his thoughts into regrets and horrible ideas.   
  
She always knew when to be there. She knew, when he would stare off instead of doing paperwork, she knew he was thinking about his squad. She knew when he was alone, drinking tea and watching the wall, she knew he was thinking about what would happen if he had only done right with Isabel and Farlan.  
  
And when he's breaking his own walls down at night, she knows he's at his worst - she knows he's wondering what he would do with himself if he let titans grab hold of her.

 

  
  
The rain had slowed to a quiet drizzle. The room started to fill with the smell of fresh fallen rain from the open window. It was one of the hotter nights, spring just arriving.   
  
(Name) was awake again. She hadn't been able to get sleep since Levi told her  _another_  expedition was in place for the next early morning. She sighed, turning her head gently to look over to the mess of sweat and thin blankets next to her.  
He looked as if he were at ease, but his face would cringe every few seconds, his fingers grabbing at the sheets around him.   
  
(Name) sat up a bit, leaning onto her right hand as her left cupped Levi's face, moving small strands of hair from his sweat-caked face. His eyes squeezed tighter, his mouth scowling as he let out a quiet, almost animalistic growl.  
  
The girl leaned forward, hovering slightly over the male as he continued to squirm and groan. She put both her hands on his face, knowing it was another sleepless night for them both.   
  
Levi began to toss his arms about, his legs following shortly as he craned his neck to the side, facing away from her.   
He groaned almost inaudibly.  
  
"Levi," she whispered, whipping the sweat streaks from his forehead gently. "Levi," she repeated a bit louder.  
  
Levi grit his teeth in his slumber, turning onto his side completely, facing the opposite way. (Name) sighed, pressing her palms to his bare back where his shoulder blades shifted. He had curled to a ball, his legs pushing against his chest and his muscular arms hanging off the side of the bed.  
  
  
Minutes pass, as do they every night, and he showed no signs of fighting off his nightmares. (Name) stroked his head, as she would always, shushing his sleeping form as he whimpered ever so quietly. Only in such a silence would you ever hear the pained cry.  
  
(Name) knew, just like every other night, that he would only get worse, nearly reducing her to tears as well, but she would never understand how much she really helps.  
  
She'd never understand that while he fights off the titans, she fights off his demons with him, she helps him in more ways than one will ever know.   
  
And although these little moments may mean nothing once Levi is killed on the field, he knows that they matter to him now, and he wouldn't trade them for the world.


	2. Simple | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff, Drabble  
> Warning: N/A

A book should never be judged by the cover; though, you already know that. Every book is good, to many different eyes. Levi Ackerman was quite the story.  
However, his first few chapters weren't exactly a beautiful tale. This complex man was once a murderer, a thief, a  _criminal_.   
  
Once one has gotten past the torn first few pages, the book doesn't always seem so bad. Levi, of course fixed himself up and joined the Survey Corps, a legendary group, dedicated to saving humanity from the monstrosities that plagued their nightmares, and realities.  
  
A hero.  
  
A hero, in more ways than one, in fact. Yes, he has indeed saved many lives whilst on the field; but for her...  
  
He saved her from insanity.  
  
He saved her from loneliness.  
  
He saved her from the terrible falling and just saved her the love.  
  
  
How odd, how such a complex man could be wanted by such a simple woman.   
  
When others would just gaze at her in lust, he gazed in actual, true love. Love that couldn't be replaced or removed. Love that would stay love for as long as he would live.  
  
  
Levi, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, a man with no regrets. A man, who lost nearly everything, but continued to go on.   
  
Was he not scared to lose the last one to claim his love? He was.  
  
"Without love, you can't  _live_." She would say, cupping his face lovingly with a look of absolute pride in her eyes.  
  
And he believed her, only for her. And he'd kiss her, only her. Passion and longing in each peck on her rosy cheeks. He'd make sure she felt the slight squeeze of his hand in hers, making sure it was all real, that it wasn't just a dream. And he'd make sure that when she'd catch him staring, he wouldn't stop - he'd stare just until one had to look away.  
  
And despite the differences, their relationship would always be simple. Simple little kisses, simple little looks; simple little stories. And their book would be forever written, living on and on beyond them. A simple little story, could always mean something bigger than the words project.


	3. Sillage | Marco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Marco / Reader  
> Genre: Angst, Drabble  
> Warnings: Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sillage (n.) - a scent or trace of something or someone that is no longer around

It was hard for everyone. Marco meant something to everyone. Why was it so hard to move on? Why was it so hard to get up in the morning, knowing you'll never see his wide smile and freckled cheeks anymore?   
  
Thinking of him made you want to scream, to cry, to run away and just sit and stare at the damn wall.   
  
Jean lost his best friend too. He comforted you through it, comforting himself as well, however, you never stopped mourning. He moved on, continuing to fight for Marco. You couldn't fight, you couldn't even breathe. How would Marco react to you lying about? What would he think to know you're not living, just surviving.  
  
Would he cry? Would he hug you? Kiss your tears away?  
It doesn't matter. It'll never matter, not any more.  
  
  
In training you'd often be caught staring into the afternoon sky, wondering if he could see the infamous ocean from his location.   
In bed at night, you wouldn't sleep, only look at the door and wait for him to walk in with a beautiful smile on his beautiful face.  
  
  
The scent wasn't entirely gone from his clothes. It still smelt like fresh lavender and it nearly drowned you in memories every time you opened his drawer. Tears would cloud your eyes and the room would grow around you as you sunk to the ground with your hands over your eyes.  
  
There was nothing that could be done. Your team mates don't want this for you. Marco wouldn't want this. You'd have to get over it eventually.


	4. Friable | Reiner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Reiner / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friable (adj.) - easily destroyed, reduced to nothing

The silence was suffocating. Gold irises bore into (e/c) ones. What was he supposed to say now? What was  _she_  supposed to  _think_?  
  
"(Name), say something."  
  
Say what? What did he want her to say? That she forgave him? She couldn't forgive him for the murders he caused. The treason he committed. The amount of trust she had in him only to be snapped in mere moments at the hands of his confession.  
  
"I," she inhaled shakily, "I can't believe..."  
  
She took a step back, her back hitting the cold stone wall. He took a step forward with hands out, aching to hold her once more.  
  
"No! Don't touch me!" She felt a huge weight was set on her chest; like she couldn't breathe. She held her head with her sweating hands. "Do you - do you feel...guilty? At all?"   
  
He only looked to the side, trying to come up with an answer. Did he feel guilty? She awaited his answer anxiously, but knew there'd be no answer. He hadn't felt guilty, and he doesn't now. Her eyes watered and she felt a bubbling rage inside her veins.  
  
"Reiner, why?"  
  
Why? Why did he do what he had done? Why did he ever tell her? If only he hadn't. He would be able to hold her, kiss her over and over and murmur how sorry he was, even if she hadn't understood. He would hold her hand and scoop her up in his arms and -  
  
"Reiner!"   
  
Their heads turned at the new voice, erupting from down the dim hallway. Bertolt stopped in his tracks, trying to analyze the situation before him.   
  
She wanted to run to Bertolt; tell him what Reiner told her; get some sort of help or guidance. Her feet felt rooted to the ground, her heart beating so hard she felt she might collapse.   
  
Did Bertolt know about Reiner being the Armored Titan? She wanted so desperately to run into Reiner's arms, hug him and forgive him, but she couldn't. Not only would that be the moves of a traitor, but she was  _scared_  of the man she had once loved. No, still loved.  
  
Bertolt stood by his side and Reiner nodded towards him, a secret message transmitted and Bert's eyes widening. Was he..?  
  
"Reiner," Bertolt spoke quietly, almost sinister, "She can't know."  
  
She felt the urge to scream rise like bile in her throat when Bertolt pulled a pocketknife from his uniform. Sweat trickled down the side of her face along with tears. Bertolt took a step forward, but halted, eyes still trained on you as Reiner grabbed his arm roughly. She felt almost destroyed, broken. And as tough as she was, she was too shocked; too terrified to fight back.  
  
He was what she fought for. And now? What was  _he_  fighting for?  
  
Reiner released Bertolt, who proceeded to enclose the girl. Reiner turned around so he wouldn't have to see the outcome.   
  
"I'm so sorry, (Name)."


	5. Cure | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Angst, Fluff  
> Warnings: Illness, Death, Depression

  
"(Name), the dust."  
  
_I smiled, knowing that would always be the first thing he brings up when he sees me._  
  
"Levi, I'm not supposed to leave the bed for a long period of time, you know that."  
  
"Can't you ask a nurse to take care of this? It's disturbing. It'll settle in your lungs and make it hard to breathe."  
  
"Can't be harder than it is now. But, fine. I'll ask a nurse to do something."   
  
_I won't._  
  
He hummed in response, taking slow steps towards my hospital bed, shoes patting on the tiled floors beneath him. Lifting his hand, he placed it on my pale cheek, thumb running over the sunken in flesh.   
  
"You know, I've been working on getting you a ring."  
  
"You don't need to do that."  
  
_Levi's brow lifted, his face however, not changing. He leaned down, lips hovering mine and eyes lined up. I looked down, not able to meet his intimidating grey orbs._  
  
"I'm supposed to go soon Levi. I can feel it, I know it."  
  
"There's no one that has the absolute answer to that. You'll stay."  
  
_He placed a light kiss on my lips, but before he could deepen it, I pulled away._  
  
"Levi, I don't want to get married."  
  
_His face changed into one of slight shock, lips parted and eyes focused on me. He sat on the edge of the bed, hand placed on my covered leg._  
  
"You don't? Or you feel you shouldn't?"  
  
_He said it in a monotone voice as always, and he knew the answer. He knew I wanted to get married. He knew I wanted a family with him. He knew I wanted to be free of this cage._  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then I'll get the ring soon."  
  
"No - Levi, I mean - I just."  
  
_I looked down. Why did he stick around?_  
  
"I don't want to trap you here. I was born in this trap, you weren't."  
  
"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be."  
  
"Levi - "  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
_He never listened to me when it came to this._  
  
"No. Levi, I can't trap you here! If we get married, you'll be trapped forever with me. I can't bind you to me if I won't be here for long. I'm just work. I - "  
  
_Tears stained the sheets in my lap. I still refused to look at him._  
  
"You want a family, you want a wife that'll be with you forever. I can't. I can't give you that. You're wasting your life away!"  
  
"Shut the hell up."  
  
_I looked up at him, eyes wide. He still held no expression. Was he even listening?_  
  
"Levi - "  
  
"I'm here by choice. I don't care if it gets tough, or we never have exactly what we want because you're exactly what I want. Wasted or not, my life is going with you. You're my life, idiot."  
  
  
  
"You're cheesy."  
  
_Tears still came from my eyes, a smile on my lips as I brought him close and placed my forehead to his. He wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs, his lips pressing to the tip of my nose gently, lovingly._  
  
"You're going to live, and I'm going to live with you. It doesn't matter if we find a cure for this shit, I'll be your cure. I'll help you and be there for as long as I live. I don't want to hear another thing about it."  
  
_I nodded._  
His lips finally trailed down to my lips, passion and need filling my being.  
  
_My cure, my everything._


	6. All The Boys | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Romance?  
> Warnings: Language, Mild Sexual Content
> 
> Other: Modern!AU

__**Picture girls we want so badly,**

****

* * *

Another night spent out at the bar, drinking away troubles. It felt almost as if Levi spent every night here, after an argument with his wife.   
The ginger, kind girl always brought out her worst with him. He as well.

He finished his glass, fingers pushing it away from him and waving over a new one.

There was only one reason Levi would spend his nights here and that was the whiskey. The golden liquid could wash away all his troubles. He never stole a glance at the frisky women with short skirts and tight shirts, he never listened to the band preforming on stage. He never looked up from his glass.

"Another night spent, eh Shorty?" 

The male cringed. And then there was the hopelessly annoying brunette, only a mere waitress. She passed him whenever he sat hunched on the stool, lightly swaying with his feet hooked onto the bar around it.

"You, of all these idiots, know this is where I'll ever be."

"Oh cheer up, things won't always come to this. Why not just..." she trailed off, pondering on whether or not she should continue.

"Get a divorce?"

He's heard it before. Levi didn't seem bothered by the suggestion; he didn't seem anything. He couldn't do that to Petra, could he? 

Hanji left him to his thoughts, which were interrupted by the loud calls of the crowd behind him. Whistles and cat calls erupted from the crowd as the music became softer. A woman in a silky red dress stepped out on stage to sing, her (h/c) hair fanning around her face. She batted her lashes out to the crowd. Her eyes eventually landed on Levi.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen," she cooed, dragging out the last word. She made eye contact with the gray orbs across the lounge, her red lips turned upwards. 

Levi let all his thoughts drift away, Petra and Hanji just a box stored away for another useless night. This woman,  _goddess_  was a new thought. 

He watched intently, eyes scoring her hips in the well-fit dress and her round face. The dress stopped at her knees in a classy manner while still holding that mysterious aura. Her (e/c) eyes nearly made hearts stop, including his own.   
But with a body and face like hers, it wasn't a surprise she was able to sway the audience. She's just entertainment; just a show, but she knew how to cut right into Levi's hard interior.

And her voice, when she sang it was like the song of a siren. She knew how to take a man like Levi into her grasp and tighten his heart in her fist until it just popped. Something Petra was never able to do. He could only dream for a woman like that.

-

The rest of the show, Levi received short glances and quick winks, making his hands clench and his head spin. She was a dream come true. Once she walked off the stage with a final wave and flick of her hair, the lights brightened and the next performers prepared to go on stage. Levi turned back to the bar in his stool.

"Hello there," a smooth voice said, gliding right through him and into his heart.

He flicked his eyes in the direction of them. He knew she knew exactly what she did to him. She took the seat next to him, and the bartender scurried over with a martini. She took it, grace on her finger tips. Levi swore his pants button would pop from the immense pressure.

She took a sip, her red lips not leaving any mark on the glass. 

"Name's (Name)," she hummed, "May I ask for yours?"

He took a shaky breath. "Levi." She looked him over, eyes narrowing as she hummed in content. 

"Levi..." she tried his name on her lips, causing his own to twitch. She stood from the stool, leaning to his ear and moving strands of his thin black hair behind it. "I like it," She laughed.

_Son of a bitch_. His breath hitched and she took notice, grabbing his hand and leading him back towards the stage. 

-

"You know Levi, you have got to be the best looking out of all the men out there," she giggled. Levi ignored her as he jerked her dress off roughly, stopping at her feet so she would kick it to the floor.

"You probably say that to a lot of them."

"Actually," she whispered, "I would choose you over those pigs any day." 

He grunted in reply, pushing her panties down to her thighs and running his fingers over her inner thigh, receiving a quiet gasp.

She shoved his pants down, her manicured nails teasingly trailing upwards over his erected member still trapped in his briefs. 

"Then let's start counting."

* * *

_**Isn't she a dream come true?  
**_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to All The Boys by Panic! @ At The Disco


	7. Trouvaille | Armin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Armin / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trouvaille (n.) - a valuable discovery, or a lucky find; something lovely found by chance

People who don't throw something important away,

* * *

  
  
Nimble fingers threw open the leather cover of the book, skimming through the pages. He stopped at a familiar page littered with notes and beautiful pictures of the ocean. Curious blue eyes scanned the photo in the book, every detail already memorized in his head.  
  
  
His eyes flicked from the book to the scene in front of him; once, twice, three times.  
  
  
Was this really it?  
  
  
The water glistened under the sun, and he felt the crisp air crack his smooth skin, which was a stranger to the salty atmosphere.   
  
  
The land curled around the water, sand crawling up to the tall trees hanging over the crystal clear water.   
  
  
Had he really...?  
  
  
He looked around, blonde hair swaying as he examined the forest behind him, dark and arcane.  
  
  
His cape was still stained with the blood of fallen comrades, but he no longer heard their screams echoing in his head and heart. Although, something still didn't sit right.   
  
He had found the sea, but he still felt like he was missing something.   
  
  
"Armin!"  
  
  
A soft hand landed on his shoulder; a hand so soft he wouldn't have noticed if not for the immense shiver that ran down his spine. He heard her light breathing, and he noted how it had picked up when she saw the ocean too.  
  
  
"I - We found the ocean."  
  
"It looks so much different in person; so huge!" She threw her hands up for the enthusiastic effect. A small smile graced his lips as everything started to sink in.  
  
She stayed beside him, both of their eyes trained on the view in front of them. This is what he'd always wanted to see. He'd always wanted to see it with her. And Eren, and Mikasa. He wanted to share this discovery with everyone.  
  
"I knew. I knew it was true," he breathed out.  
  
Her thin arms wrapped lightly around his neck like a soft breeze, loosening the cape's clasp, allowing it to slip into the dirt.   
  
  
He stumbled over his feet, trying to keep his balance as he made his way to the water, leaving the girl behind to watch. The waves slapped gently against the shore, pulling back and pushing closer and closer to Armin.  
  
  
He knelt, reaching his fingers cautiously to the foam on the sand, rubbing his fingertips together to memorize it's grainy feel. Small splashes washed up against his trousers, a chill racking his body from the cold.   
  
This was real.  
  
  
"(Name)! (Name) you have to see this!" he called, raking his fingers through his thick hair, breaking out into victorious laughter. He did it. "(Name), I can't believe - "  
  
She was gone. Hasn't she been next to him the whole time? Armin stood slowly, calling her name, but no sound was made other than the rustling of trees.  
  
  
The soldiers in the Survey Corps fought for what they believed in, despite most not surviving. They still continued to fight, regardless of what they've lost.   
  
Armin fought for the ocean. He fought for a future with (Name), a future with Eren and Mikasa and freedom from this cage within the walls.  
  
What would it be worth in the end if the world he knew was no more? If his friends and (Name) were no more? Who would he share this with?  
  
  
He looked back to the forest where Titans once lurked and the bodies of his fellow soldiers remained.   
  
His gaze shifted to the cape on the ground, the Wings of Freedom imprinted on the back.   
  
She was his wings. The hope of seeing the ocean with her was what kept him in the air.   
  
  
Crossing his legs in front of the water, he watched it lap near the sand, head hung in thought.  
  
Maybe they saw the whole ocean from the Heavens, where their sacrifice was rewarded with peace and actual freedom.  
  
Maybe he could stay here and wait for them.  
  


* * *

 

can't hope to change anything.  



	8. Solivagant | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader (/ Child!Eren)  
> Genre: Fluff & Slight Angst  
> Warnings: N/A
> 
> Other: Modern!AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solivagant (adj.) - wandering alone

Spring did well to the flowers around the house. It was a beautiful residence, secluded and wrapped in green and flowers of pink and white. A quiet stream flowed downhill, seen from the second story bedroom reserved for two lovers and those two lovers only. There was a peculiar scent around the house, which mimicked her severely.   
  
It was strange how every plant could still grow, how the river could still run over the rocks and how the now old man could still continue to age with life with her presence missing.  
  
Birds still chirped, frogs still croaked. How was it that he felt dead, while still being alive?  
  
  
  
A knock resounded at the door. The familiar two, gentle knocks made him scrunch his wrinkled nose, and the figure behind the wooden barrier called out.  
  
"Mr. Ackerman? It's Mrs. Jaegar! Your new neighbor!"  
  
He closed his eyes, never returning the reply in hopes she would just leave. But she refused to give in.  
  
"Mr. Ackerman, I'll be leaving a basket out here for you! Be careful not to trip over it!" She left with a humble laugh, similar to the woman who had left him so many weeks ago.  
  
The man stood from the wooden chair he had been slouched on, his bones aching and groaning.  
  
He pushed the silk curtains open with a shaking finger, watching the brown haired woman walk down the path with a bounce in her step.  
His grey eyes flicked to the basket sitting on the first step of his porch.  
  
Fruits, pastries, ribbons and flowers, all sorts of strange things that Levi had no use for. That he had absolutely no care for.  
  
He cracked the door open and picked it up by its narrow, winding handle, placing it to the side along with many other baskets he received by the woman next door. With a scoff, he returned to his chair, watching the plants sway outside the large window of the manor.  
  
  
  
  
"He never opens the door, but I always see him sitting in his window. Maybe he's deaf." Carla Jaegar hummed to her husband, who nodded and laughed through his nose.  
  
"Maybe he's dead."  
  
She gasped, appalled at her husband's words. "No! No, I don't think that's it! Maybe he's...shy?"  
  
"Who's shy?"  
  
Their eyes shifted to the small boy in the doorway. His wide, green eyes held a blossoming curiosity, which shifted the gears in his mother's head.  
  
"Maybe Eren can pay him a visit tomorrow." Mr. Jaegar sighed and stood from his spot on the sofa.  
  
"If that grumpy old man can't even open the door for a beautiful young woman, how is he expected to have the tolerance for a child?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
  
  
  
"Eren, just go up and knock, okay?"  
  
"What if he doesn't answer?"  
  
"Just knock until he answers. He will eventually...probably."  
  
Carla smiled and handed the eight year old the basket, shooing him out the door.  
  
The walk wasn't too far, getting up the dirt path to the man's front door was a harder task than walking down the road along the woods.  
  
The forest was deep and it drew him in, the urge for freedom always seemingly tugging at the child's bones. Once he made it up the hill to the white manor, the forest around him seemed to close off every other place in the world.  
  
Mr. Ackerman's house was a sacred haven all on it's own.  
  
Small feet stumbled up the concrete steps, placing the heavy basket on the ground while he regained his posture and knocked firmly, twice first, just as his mother told him to.   
  
  
  
  
Levi's eyes opened slowly, with an edge to them. She was here again. He sighed, keeping his eyes trained on the garden overgrowing with ivy and weeds outside his manor window.  
  
She knocked again, her two firm signature knocks on the light wood. And again, he ignored them.  
  
They didn't cease, one after the other, reminding him of her determination to see him, but this time, no words were uttered, only the same two knocks, over and over...  
  
"Alright! Alright! You've got me! Just stop knocking for Christ's sake!"  
  
The aged man stood from his chair and rushed to the door as fast as his aching feet could bring him. He opened it a crack, only his grey eyes sticking out from the darkness.  
  
But it wasn't Carla; it was a child. A child who shared her curious gaze, her thick hair, and her damn persistence.  
  
The kid lifted the basket into his arms with a huff and shook the hair out of his eyes.  
  
"Are you Mr. Ackerman?" he asked gently, watching the man open the door wider.  
  
The old man nodded slowly, standing tall in front of the boy, who actually was about as tall as his hip. Despite always being a short man, Mr. Ackerman seemed even shorter at such an old age.  
  
"My mom said I should give this to you," he said, holding the basket out to him.  
  
"You can put it there," Levi replied slowly, pointing to the spot where the other baskets sat on the other side of the door.  
  
The boy stepped into the dwelling, looking around with wonder. Levi made his way back to his spot and once he heard the basket crunch against the tiled floor, he made a waving gesture with his hand.  
  
"You can shut the door, I'm hoping?"  
  
  
The door was shut.  
  
  
However, Eren never left. His green eyes flickered from the high ceiling to the white columns casting shadows from the sunlight. There was only a single wooden chair in the room, unfitting and odd.  
  
His shoes clapped off the tiles, getting closer and closer to the slumping figure in the chair, whom grew angry at the broken peace.  
  
  
"Why are you still here, brat?"   
  
"My name is Eren," the boy crinkled his nose. " Where is your couch? And your tables? Where's all your stuff?" the eight-year old questioned.  
  
"Right here." Levi's calloused hands rubbed at the splitting wood of the armrest.  
  
"Why are you alone? Do you have a cat?"  
  
"I hate cats."  
  
"Oh. You'd hate this girl Annie's cat. It scratched me last week," Eren said, pulling up his shirt sleeve and showing the elder the cut on his elbow.  
  
"Kid, aren't you supposed to be at home?" Levi said, patience waning.  
  
"My mom won't mind," he said, plopping down next to the chair and crossing his legs. Levi groaned audibly.  
  
  
  
"Why do you watch the grass all day? My mom thinks you're lonely. Are you lonely?"  
  
"Do you always ask so many damn questions?"  
  
"My mom says it's smart to ask questions."  
  
Levi scoffed. This child was so familiar to him, despite never having met him.   
His dark brown locks were oddly calming, along with his round eyes and chubby cheeks.  
  
"So," Eren spoke up quietly, "why do you watch the grass all day?"  
  
"It's peaceful."  
  
"Oh. Can I watch it with you?"  
  
"If you don't stop talking, it won't work."  
  
Eren clasped his hand over his mouth, watching the world outside intently. Every few seconds, his eyes would drift over to the man in the chair, watching his eyes close and his breathing slow.   
  
He stood slowly, trying his best to be quiet, and slipped through the front door, smiling whole-heartedly before the door shut.  
  
  
  
  
"Mom! I have to go see Mr. Ackerman!"  
  
"What? Again?"   
  
"I'll be back!" The screen door slammed shut, and the child ran down the path to the street.  
  
"You think Eren got under his tight skin?" Carla asked her husband, who sipped at his coffee.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
  
  
  
"Mr. Ackerman! Mr. Ackerman!" Eren banged his small fists on the door as loud as he could. He could hear the man murmur his profanities from behind the door.  
  
Without further recognition, Eren opened the door and shut it behind him, eyes following the trail of light leading to the same picture as every other day.  
And again, he sat next to his chair, leaning his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.  
  
"Don't you have any other unfortunate soul to bother?"  
  
"No," Eren shrugged.  
  
Levi sighed.  
  
  
  
  
It would seem this would become the only thing Levi looked forward to anymore. Eren's bursting curiosity and stories managing to somehow crawl under the tough exterior of Mr. Ackerman.  
  
He waited for him to come each morning. He heard about the kids around town and how he'd go to school with them soon. He heard of the god-awful cat of Annie's, and about how his father was a doctor. He eventually learned that he was eight years old, a ripe age.  
  
  
  
  
"How old are you?" Eren had asked, on a particularly rainy day. He sat right next to Levi.  
  
"Too old."  
  
"Mr. Ackerman, you seem not too old to me!" he smiled.  
  
"Call me Levi."   
  
"Okay!" the boy said, playing with his shoelaces.  
  
  
  
  
Without a word nor a knock, Eren stormed in, slamming the door, causing Levi to shift in his seat with a grumble.  
  
He crossed his arms, stumbling to his spot on the floor and masking a pout.  
  
"You're late today."  
  
"I got in trouble," Eren growled, "I punched Jean because he called me a name."  
  
"Did you hit him hard?"  
  
Eren's pout faltered and eventually shifted to a small smile, "Yeah."  
  
"My mom told me I shouldn't have done that. I wish she was more like you."  
  
"Well," the man sighed, looking into his small face, "As long as you don't have any regrets after, you shouldn't worry about it."  
  
"Do you have regrets?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"What are they?"  
  
"I have far too many to tell in just one day."  
  
"So tell me one every day."  
  
Levi looked down to the child, wondering how he had gotten into this position. How had he let such a young, naïve little kid worm his way into his heart?  
  
"Okay," he thought for a minute, "I regret yelling so much. We'd always fight and she'd run off. I never got to apologize."  
  
Eren stared at the back of his head, Levi's eyes focused on the flowers outside.  _She_? Who was Levi talking about? Why did he yell?  
  
"I think  _she_  would accept your apology. I would."   
  
"Hmm."  
  
"I regret telling my mom that I didn't pick my nose."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Because I really did."  
  
Levi scoffed, nose scrunching in disgust.  
  
  
  
  
"Levi, you haven't told me a regret today."  
  
It became a routine, a relaxing one. Levi would tell the child of something, uncovering a piece of his life that he had long since forgotten. It was as peaceful as watching the leaves blow outside.  
  
"Okay," he racked his mind for something to tell the boy. "I regret making her cry so much. I regret not crying enough myself."  
  
"Why don't you cry now?"  
  
"I don't need to cry."  
  
"Mom says it's healthy to cry sometimes."  
  
Levi cried that afternoon after he left.  
  
  
  
  
"Levi?"  
  
"Yeah, brat?"  
  
"Who's the girl you always talk about?" Levi swallowed thickly.  
  
"She was beautiful. She had (e/c) eyes, kind of like yours. She had beautiful (h/c) hair and she could light the world with her smile."  
  
"What was her name?"  
  
"Her name. Her name was (Name)." It had been forever since the name rolled off his tongue. It still tasted sweet.  
  
"Did you love her?"  
  
"Yes, very much."  
  
Eren kept quiet, more questions bubbling on the surface of his brain.  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"We got old. And she was able to become young again, in a different life; but I was not."  
  
Despite his young mind, he understood perfectly well what Levi had meant, and placed his small, warm palm on Levi's cold one. What he didn't understand was why Levi wasn't happy that he could still breathe the air, and watch the river flow down the hill. Why would her leaving make him so upset?  
  
"I hope you see her again some day, Levi."  
  
The man smiled; a real smile, with love and appreciation and relief.  
  
"Me too."  
  
  
  
  
"Did (Name) used to watch the grass with you?"  
  
"She liked to garden. Her favorite flower was a (flower). The ones planted around the yard."  
  
"I like those too!" Eren smiled. But his smiled faded as he gazed at the hill outside.  
  
"Why don't you go outside? Maybe she'd be able to see you, and then she'd come back."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"The hill is too steep. We used to sit out there and watch the current flow. I don't think we can do that now."  
  
"But we should!" Eren had jumped up, hands clenching and unclenching. "Me and you! And maybe I can see her too!"  
  
Before Levi could protest, the child sprinted out the door and down the path.  
  
  
  
  
"Levi! Levi!"  
  
"Brat, I can hear you. Stop yelling."  
  
"Come on! Get up!" Eren said, tugging on his withered limbs. Levi grumbled and tugged back.   
  
"Okay, already! Stop pulling my arms, you might pull them out of my damn socket."  
  
Eren giggled and jumped around, opening the door for the older man.  
  
Levi shut the door behind them, Eren sprinting to the hill outside of the window, and flicking a small blanket up. It danced in the wind before settling in the bright green grass below. Eren collapsed onto it and patted the spot next to him.  
  
"Levi! Come sit next to me!"  
  
Steadily making his way to the hill, he called back, "If I sit in the grass, you can bet your ass I won't be getting back up!"  
  
Eren laughed at that and watched Levi approach, inhaling softly.  
  
"It's better than sitting inside, huh?"  
  
"Hm."  
  
  
  
  
"Eren."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Why not stay here today, hm?"  
  
"Why? Mr. Ackerman is waiting for me! We have to watch the plants grow today."  
  
Carla looked the boy in eyes, kneeling down to match his height and placing a hand on his arm.  
  
"Eren..." she hesitated, "Mr. Ackerman passed away yesterday afternoon. I'm sorry darling."  
  
Eren's face fell, but he didn't shed a tear. Instead, Eren pulled away from his mother's grasp, and bolted from the house, running back down to the same road and the same white manor on the hill. The bushes remain untrimmed and the weeds overgrown, but it was all still the same place, that felt like another home to the child.  
  
The only thing out of place was a sign in the front of the path. The house was for sale.  
  
The boy's eyes watered, feeling as if no one were worthy of owning the secret house. It was Levi's. It was Eren's too.  
  
He ran to the hill, looking into the window where Levi's chair remained, but he had not.   
  
The river still flowed. Pink and white flowers grew all around.  
  
Every plant still grew, the world would still spin and everything would continue to bloom with life, despite Mr. Ackerman and his wife not being there to watch.   
  
Eren realized that there's not so much happiness in it all if you're all alone.  
  
  



	9. Addicted | Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Erwin / Reader  
> Genre: Romance, Drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

might as well face it,   


* * *

  
  
"Good morning, Erwin."  
  
"I've told you multiple times before, (Name). I'm Commander Smith to you."  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Fine,  _Commander_ , here's your paperwork."  
  
The girl dropped a stack of papers onto his desk, staring at him with hazy (e/c) eyes. He pulled the top paper towards him, grabbing a pen.  
  
"Thank you. You are dismissed."  
  
(Name) stood in front of him still, rocking on her heels and eyes scoping the room around the blonde.   
  
His eyes rolled upwards to land on her mesmerizing form. She walked to the large window behind his desk, pulling the silk curtains to the side; the blinding light causing her to squint.  
  
"You should open this more often. Levi would freak out if he saw the dust in here."  
  
"Have you nothing to do other than disrupt my duties?"  
  
She giggled, a gentle sound. "Erwin -"  
  
"Commander Smith."  
  
"Hm." she crept to the backside of his chair, placing her palms solely on his shoulders, causing him to flinch.  
  
"You're going to have to face it some time, you aren't immune to love," she whispered, almost inaudible.  
  
She removed her hands, placing them behind her back and made a move towards the door, turning back a second to look back into his bright eyes. But they remained ahead, focused on the words splayed on the paper.  
  
The door clicks shut, and Erwin Smith sighs, placing the pen down and his back against the chair.   
  
Of course he wasn't immune to her virus. She had crept into his blood just as she had all others, and she refused to slip away without infecting the host completely.  
  


* * *

you're addicted to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Addicted to Love by Florence + The Machine


	10. Meliorism | Armin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Armin / Reader  
> Genre: The mission was a failure. Lives were lost, ammunition was lost, the Female Titan, was lost.  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meliorism (n.) - belief that the world will get better

The mission was a failure. Lives were lost, ammunition was lost, the  _Female Titan_ , was lost.  
  
The soldiers would ride back to Headquarters, heads hanging in shame, trying their best to keep the mock and threats from reaching their already battered hearts.  
  
There were no bodies to return this mission. No traces that these soldiers lost their lives, other than the memories living on in their comrades. Humanity falls behind another battle.  
  
  
  
  
Cries filled the infirmary, rooms packed with soldiers in need of care. Nurses were rushing around, dropping things and sometimes stumbling.  
  
"Armin, you should let a nurse look at that wound on your head."  
  
Cadet (L.Name) held onto Armin's arm, limping slightly as they walked down the hall.   
  
He shook his head, bloodied blonde locks swaying around his pale face. His blue eyes were shallow, staring at the ground in front of his feet.  
  
"The infirmary is packed, but we should probably check on Eren. Mikasa brought him in before we left the stables."  
  
Right. Eren Jaegar, Titan Shifter. He was with the Captain's squad, the best of them all.   
  
All dead. The Female Titan killed them all in cold blood. And Eren was there to witness the whole thing.  
  
"Can I at least see to it myself?" she argued, waiting for his response.  
  
The boy nodded, making his way to the infirmary.  
  
  
  
  
Eren's room was empty, other than himself and Mikasa, to be expected. Normally, no one would be allowed in his room other than officials in fear of him losing his sanity and going mad in titan form. However, they feared not that, but that he would lose his sanity in human form. He looked beat, shattered down to his core. Guilty.  
  
Mikasa held his hand, gentle and sincere, eyes trained on the pure, white sheets covering his legs.   
  
"Armin, what happened to you?" Mikasa asked with concern lacing her voice. He waved his hand, dismissing her worry and then focusing on the person beside him. (Name) spotted a chair at the other wall, pulling it over to Eren's bedside so Armin would sit. And he did.  
  
The room was quiet, no one really wanting to relive the terrors of the world outside the walls. But (Name) was persistent.  
  
"What happened out there?"  
  
Mikasa scoffed at the blunt question, but it went straight through (Name).  
  
Eren swallowed, tugging at his shirt collar before speaking up with a raspy, broken tone.  
  
"Levi's squad was killed by the Female Titan."  
  
"I know that. Where was Captain Levi the whole time?" (Name)'s voice grew desperate.  
  
"It's not his fault, the Commander needed his help -"  
  
"You were in the forest with the Commander?"  
  
Discussed through battle, nearly everyone was aware that Levi's Squad placement was unknown. Even the Squad themselves had no clue as to why they weren't following the formation.  
  
Eren nodded slowly.  
  
"Damnit!" (Name) put their hands behind their head, fingers pulling at the locks of (h/c) hair. "Why were we stationed out in the open? We could have helped instead of standing around in some damn trees -"  
  
"No!" All eyes were trained on Eren, shocked from his outburst.  
"Soldiers were...dying, left and right. You wouldn't have survived in there."  
  
"We wouldn't have lost so many people if we had helped!"  
  
"We did what we were told," Armin said, "Jean had the same idea. He wanted to do something, he wanted to feel useful. But the Commander did what he thought was best and doing what we were told, that was as useful as we were going to be."  
  
"Well, it wasn't good. The Female Titan is still out there," (Name) scowled.  
  
The wooden door creaked behind the group, revealing a woman with a mask over the lower part of her face, and wide golden eyes. A gloved hand reached from behind the door, bandages held in her bloody appendages.  
  
(Name) walked over to her, taking the bandages and thanking her before shutting the door quietly and returning behind Armin, stretching the bandage to fit his temple before removing the dirty one in place.  
  
The silence in the room was enough to bring a sour taste to their tongues. Their eyes were scattered, refusing to land on any other individual.  
  
"We are going to win this," Armin said confidently. It was admirable, how he could keep his strong being a naturally weak person. He had grown so much more since Eren's first shift, able to handle anything thrown his way.   
  
"Armin -"  
  
"Humanity is going to win against the Titans. This battle was only a stepping stone, and even though it threw us back a little, we can still recover. We have strong soldiers like you, Mikasa, and Eren that will help us get back on track with what the mission is."  
  
Eren's face picked up and Mikasa smiled, a real smile in hopes of winning and getting to live on with her friends.  
  
Armin's hands reached up to grasp (s/c) hands resting on either side of his head.   
  
"You keep me fighting too. We keep each other alive," he smiled, looking back to the group.   
  
"We will recover from this. The Scouts will save Humanity from the Titans."


	11. Cingulomania | Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Mike / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cingulomania (n.) - the strong desire to hold someone in one's arms

Mike had never been one with words.   
  
When (Name) had came into the Survey Corps, she had gracefully danced into his heart, along with many others. She was able to sway the young cadets when just walking past. Her smile melted the cold hearts of ones who swore never to open up again. The flick of her hair made even the short corporal's heart do back flips behind his rib cage.  
  
Mike had never been one to fall for any woman's tricks - she was a first.   
  
He hadn't even realized how much this soldier meant to him before he started staring at her from across the room in a meeting or thinking about her during paperwork.  
  
When she was around, he found himself drowning out Erwin's instructions for the upcoming expedition because of her intoxicating scent.  
  
It angered him; he couldn't see himself getting out of her trap, he couldn't escape the grasp.  
  
She had come to his office often; delivering paperwork from Erwin, or missed meals. Sometimes she just stopped in to check on him when he had hidden away too long, which only frustrated him. Was she  _trying_  to reduce him to putty in her hands?  
  
  
"Mike," she said, closing the door behind her with her foot. Her hands overflowed with papers, all from Erwin most likely. "I've got the next expedition's plans, straight from the Commander."  
  
He hummed, silently inhaling her scent as she placed stacks onto his already cluttered desk. His eyes were cast downward, avoiding her curious gaze. She threw up her hands in a light salute, fists firm and a smile on her face.   
  
"You're dismissed," Mike said, wondering why she hadn't already left. It was almost as if she actually knew what she did to him. And she probably did, he thought often, she probably just wanted to twist his heart.  
  
"I know." She took a seat across from him, crossing one leg over the other and neatly folding her arms over her knee. Her eyes shifted from one side of the room to the other innocently, not crossing paths with his eyes once.   
  
The man's fingers shook so lightly, almost breaking his façade. His hair covered his eyes fully, much to his appreciation. He needed to keep calm, she couldn't just break him down every time they met.  
  
He noticed out of the corner of his vision, the girl's nose was in the air, mimicking his actions from many times before. She took a deep breath, her chest rising, and slowly falling.  
  
"Mike, I find it very odd that you aren't absolutely disgusted by the scent in here."  
  
Scent. He couldn't smell anything but the suffocating aroma coming from her. He inhaled, trying to focus. Her one brow raised, a smirk forming on her lips.   
  
"It smells like something's burning."  
  
"Probably one of Hanji's experiments gone wrong."  
  
"Well, maybe."  
  
He didn't smell it. Was it just a conversation starter, or was she really taking over his senses as well as his heart?   
  
She sighed.  
  
"Okay, what's up with you?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Her chair scraped against the wooden flooring, her boots clicking. She paced the area around his desk, her eyes following his hand's movements every step.   
  
"You're acting so strange. I know something's up."  
  
He lifted his head for the first time since she entered, eyes locking. His softened, and he stood, fingers releasing his pen. (Name) stopped her pacing and approached the male, their close proximity creating a layer of sweat on his skin.   
  
He lifted a hand, carefully placing it on her shoulder, hesitating. It was like a shock.   
  
"I'm fine - "  
  
Her head lay on his broad chest, eyes closed.  
  
"You can tell me, you know? I can help."  
  
He scoffed through his nose, putting his arms carefully around her much smaller frame.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
  
She pulled away all too soon for either one of their favors, and looked him in the eyes, looking for the right moment to move closer.   
  
Close enough for her lips to gently touch his cheek, placing a light kiss; so light it was like it was never there at all.   
  
"You should get to that paperwork," she whispered, stepping back, and turning on her heel to leave. He watched the floorboards where she once stood, hearing the click of the wooden barrier.  
  
And he carried on with the paperwork, her lips, her touch, her scent on his mind the whole time.


	12. Sciamachy | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warning: PTSD, Depression, Mild Violence, Language, Implied Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schiamacy (n.) - fighting against imaginary things / shadows

Can you  _wash_  me?

  
  


* * *

  
  
"(Name)!"  
  
Hands shoot up, arms covering her pale face. Her (h/c) hair was framing her face oddly, strands of hair in her mouth and sticking to her sweat-covered forehead.  
  
Her red-rimmed eyes closed slightly, lips shaking and eye brows creased.   
  
"Please, please don't..."  
  
Levi sighed, eyes closing in relief, but opening just as soon to comfort the girl. Her lower legs were covered by the pure white sheets, the outline of her now thin shins visible.   
  
He held his breath, slowly reaching out and gripping her fingers in his. The man's head leaned down to their fingers, planting his lips ever so gently on hers, lingering.  
  
"It's okay. I'm here."  
  
  
  
  
  
"God  _damn it_ , Erwin!"  
  
Another empty ink canister shattered against the dark wood on the office walls. The two other men in the room flinched, eyes downcast.  
  
"She needs more time! Just let Hanji take care of her, she's not causing any harm!"  
  
"Levi," Erwin spoke calmly, "We all have had our share of trauma. Being in this Legion would never come without the pain of losing comrades and citizens; she is unstable, and she isn't improving. There's nothing we can do anymore."  
  
"Give her more medication! Give her more paper work to distract her or some shit! It's not that difficult is it?"  
  
"What about when we are on expeditions? Who will keep her in check?"  
  
"She's not a fucking child! She is just - "  
  
"Unstable," Erwin stated. Levi grit his teeth, unable to argue with Erwin's final word. He was the superior, but that didn't change the fact that he was wrong in this case.  
  
"Levi," Mike broke the tension in the room, "It may be better for her outside of the Corps. Have you talked to her about this yet?"  
  
Levi ignored the question, back facing his comrades and eyes trained on the broken glass at his feet, shards scattered along the hardwood.  
  
"We give her a week to recover. She isn't of any use to the Corps in this condition, nor herself. If she doesn't improve, you can decide on what her fate is from there." Erwin said plainly, making his way out immediately after with Mike in tow.   
  
Levi remained with ink stained glass at his toes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Cool water poured down her back, her spine and ribs poking through her sickly skin. Her (h/c) hair, now dull and messy, strung across her back in wet strands. Her arms were wrapped around her thin legs, pulled up to her chest as she sat in the tub.  
  
Levi leaned against the tub's rim, his sleeves rolled up towards his elbows to avoid them getting wet. He placed the small tin in the water again, and tipped it so the water would run smoothly down her back from her head.  
  
"(Name), talk to me."  
  
No response was given, making Levi almost choke; desperate to hear her voice again, her  _laughter_  again.  
  
What was he supposed to do? He needed to save her. Save her from these fools trying to take her away, trying to rip her from his grasp. Save her from the monsters inside her head, scaring her away from society.  
  
She wasn't the same anymore, and although Levi knew it, he refused to accept it; no matter how many looks they'd get, or how many times Erwin would tell him it was pointless waiting for her to return.  
  
He would say that like she was already  _gone_.  
  
"(Name)," he would plead again, like always, voice strained. "(Name) please. Don't do this to yourself."  
  
Levi's fingers weaved through her hair. His voice dropped down to a whisper, "Look at me,"  
  
He waited, but again, like always; nothing.  
  
Her head snapped backwards, eyes shut tight and mouth curved into a silent cry. His eyes burn through her closed ones, fingers clasped tightly in her hair, pulling her head backwards, and his voice cracks, "Look at me."  
  
"Fucking  _look_!"  
  
The pressure was released and her body shot forward, cries racking her form as he panted; frustration boiling in his blood. Levi stood, eyes on her disheveled figure.   
  
He left the wash room, the only thing on his mind was the same question he'd been asking himself since the mission - Is (Name) still here?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Holy - Get her off of him!"  
  
"What the hell has gotten into her?!"  
  
"S-She bit me!"  
  
"What the hell is going on in here?" Levi's voice silenced the chaos, and he peered into the crowd in the center of the mess hall.   
Arms pulled at a figure in the center, blood on their crisp white uniforms, making Levi wince in disgust.  
  
"Sir! Squad Leader (L.Name) just attacked one of the Cadets!"   
  
Attacked?  
  
His eyes widened nearly a fraction as he walked slowly, too slowly, to the crumpled bodies on the floor. (Name) had blood around her bottom lip, eyes on her bare feet in front of her. The Cadet beside her caught Levi's glare.   
  
His forearm was marked with the girl's teeth.  
  
"Get up, go clean the bite and check into the infirmary," he ordered, making the boys scatter immediately.   
  
"You," now he addressed the girl at his feet, but he wasn't sure she was fully aware. "Up, now. Come on."  
  
He tugged at her tired limbs, her legs wobbling, barely holding her weight.  
  
Once she was on her feet, he pulled her close to his chest, hands clutching her shoulder. And although he failed to make eye contact, he already knew Erwin had watched from beside the door the whole time.  
  
  
  
  
  
"How has her sleep been? Any nightmares?"  
  
"Every night."  
  
"And does she...attack you?"  
  
"No, Four-Eyes, I already told you, that wasn't like her. She's never shown any hostility towards anyone."  
  
Hanji hummed, fingers skipping over the tools in the tin. Her eyes occasionally flicked towards the body on the bed, her fingers laced together over her lap and her eyes still, focused on the wall to her side.  
  
Despite being awake, she wasn't listening to anything they were saying. She was barely conscious, just inhaling and exhaling steadily.  
  
"Levi," Hanji sighed, her stern tone strange, "I have a way to end the nightmares for good."  
  
He scoffed.  
  
She stepped towards the slouching man in the chair, syringe in hand, the room's light glinting off of the sharp tip and clear liquid inside.  
  
He remained quiet, as if he needed to wait for her to carry on with her sentence; as if he had no idea what she meant.  
  
"This will end her nightmares, her suffering. All I need is your permission," she eased.  
  
Levi's focus shot back to Hanji, her eyes solely on him, awaiting his choice. But before he could reject the idea, she prodded at the situation a little more.  
  
"How's the Cadet? Who was it...Springer? How's his arm?"  
  
"How have  _you_  been, Levi?"  
  
"No," Levi stands, chair screeching through the room.  
  
"Levi, hear me out!"  
  
"I said no, Hanji." Levi took (Name) from the cot, arms hooked under hers.   
  
"Think about it, at least!" Hanji called out before he closed the door behind them.  
  
"Who are you hurting Levi?"  
  
  
  
  
  
It was expected that as the week progressed, (Name) only got worse. She never got better. Only worse, only ever worse.  
  
And here Levi was again, the girl in the bed and Hanji standing in front of him, clipboard in hand.  
  
"Nightmares?"  
  
"You ask that every time we come in, like you don't know the shitty answer yourself."  
  
Hanji scowled, placing down the clipboard and looking over the needle on the pan beside her.   
  
"Levi," she tried.  
  
"She's barely alive. You can save her, you only need to say yes."  
  
"No! How many no's do you need until I fucking bash your head in? All of you idiots think this is just going to change everything, like it'll all be -"  
  
"Have you even considered it? How selfish of you to think that you're the only one suffering."  
  
  
"Levi, (Name) is at war with herself, and as far as any of us know, she could be losing. She's rotting away, she can't carry on like this."  
  
Levi brought his hands to his face, fingers skimming over the skin of his nose and forehead.  
  


_"Look at me!"_

"Get up."

"(Name), speak to me, please."

"She's unstable, there's nothing we can -"

  
  
"Just do it. Fucking..." His eyes watered, but he refused to let them loose.   
  
"This is a good choice Levi," Hanji spoke quietly, "You've done so much for her, this will save her fully."  
  
The black-haired male didn't stick around to hear it, he didn't stay to see her final breaths, and he didn't care to know what her face looked like when she was finally released from the nightmare she lived in.  
  
He could only replay the memory from the expedition where he had saved her, where he had witnessed her first state of panic. He could only think of how it was  _her_  fault, how he  _was_  selfish, and how he hadn't thought of her suffering.  
Had she been hurting badly? Had she known he was trying his best? Had she known he loved her with all of his being? Had she cared?  
  
What is the point? He's a man of no regrets, yet regrets have made up his whole being since losing his mother until losing the love of his life.  
  


* * *

  
  


Can you  **drown**  me?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Drown by Tyler Joseph


	13. My Dearest | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Child!Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Child Neglect, Depression, Language

 

I. _  
My dearest father,  
I love you with all of my heart,  
but I need you to hear me._

  
  
  
Levi staggered into the room, wincing a bit as unwanted pressure was laid against his ankle. The mission was a failure, many wounded, even more dead.  
  
The thought of the loss weighed on his mind, and made him lose his balance many times, once he was inside his quarters, he shut the door with more force than applied, limping forward, only to fall forward a bit. He reached out, gripping a rounded table aside the wall.  
  
It was a small table, only a vase and small frame upon it, both which had stumbled and fell to the floor, smashing into small, irretrievable pieces.  
  
That which had called for the attention of the four year old, whom also occupied the living quarters.  
  
"Papa?"  
  
He sighed, throwing his head back. He had hoped to get by undetected, but it was proven impossible. The girl swayed in the doorway, her (h/c) hair braided neatly down her back.  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
"No, (Name), I'm fine. Go back to what you were doing."  
  
He limped past her, reaching out for the desk a few feet away, oblivious to the pair of round (e/c) eyes resting on his swollen ankle.  
  


 

II. _  
My dearest teacher,  
I know I'm bothersome.  
I know I'm arrogant.  
But I'm still learning.  
Please stop giving up on me so fast.  
I just need a little more time._

  
  
  
"Papa?"  
  
Levi grunted in response, eyes focused on the paperwork resting underneath his pen's tip.  
  
(Name) stepped towards the desk slowly, placing her palms on the smooth wood while resting the peak of her (shaped) nose on the edge. Levi's eyes immediately flicked up, a deep scowl growing at the sight of her close proximity. The child's wide eyes avoided his, resting on the dark wood ahead of her face.  
  
Her chin quivered, afraid of the simple question she had in mind.  
  
"Can you," she began in a gentle murmur, "help me tie my shoes?"  
  
His tongue flicked off of the roof of his mouth, creating a click noise as he sprawled his fingers out over the papers waiting to be signed.  
  
"Honestly, (Name), how many times do I need to show you?" He placed his hand firmly on the top of the girl's head, lifting it slightly so her eyes met with the desk's surface.  
  
"Do you see this pile of paperwork I've been assigned?"  
  
She shook her head lightly, his hand still on her temple.  
  
"Do you want to live beside criminals, titans? Do you want me to lose everything I'm working so hard for?" His voice was laced with a rough tone.  
  
She shook her head, her eyes closed, breaths unsteady and chin quivering.  
  
He pushed her back with his one hand, moving her away from his desk with a simple, easy shove.  
  
"Then go."  


 

III. _  
My dearest guardian,  
I get in the way sometimes.  
I am only trying to help,  
please, don't raise your voice,  
nor your fist.  
Please, just tell me what I can do._

  
  
  
"(Name)!"  
  
A shiver ran down her spine, but she quickly retreated from her room, stumbling in front of the furious figure in the center of the office. Her hands folded behind her back and she stood straight, brows furrowed as she waited for his next words.  
  
"What the fuck is this?" He pointed at the puddle on the floor.  
  
Her heart dropped, knowing exactly what it was. Being that she was only eight now, it was unexpected that she'd be able to handle watering the plants on her own without making a bit of a mess. She was just hoping that he wouldn't notice.  
  
But he did.  
  
"I-I was just getting water. Momma's plants -"  
  
His glare was ice in her very soul as he took slow, slow steps towards his daughter, rage growing through his balled fist.  
  
"You can't even handle that? How the hell am I going to leave you alone anymore?"  
  
He knelt down to her level, watching as she flinched when he grabbed her arm harshly.  
  
"It's just a little water, I'll clean it!" She said with growing fear, tears pooling in her shut eyes.  
  
"Just a little?" He stood, hand still connected to her arm as he tugged her behind his desk, pointing a shaking finger at the mess of water still dripping from the surface.  
  
It was more than just a little.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm - !"  
  
He pulled her up by under her arms, shaking her slightly as her feet dangled.  
  
"You're such a lousy brat! My shit is ruined because you wanted to piss around and fuck everything up?" He spat.  
  
"I didn't mean to!"  
  


 

IV. _  
My dearest hero,  
I need your constant opinion,  
I need your word.  
You fight my nightmares,  
you fight my mind when I get angry with myself.  
I need you here with me.  
_

  
  
  
It was always a rough day for Levi. It wasn't a surprise being his career choice. But for (Name), how was she supposed to react? How was he supposed to react to the dark bruises that would be stained into her pure, young skin in the shape of his hands?  
  
He knew what he did. He knew he could stop. It didn't mean he ever would. He might never control his rage, he may never get to understand it.  
  
But standing in her doorway, unnoticed, he realized how amazing it really was, how strong his daughter was, knowing she continued to face him.  
  
Her crayons were splaying against the hardwood, paper beneath her bandaged knees and fingers clenching in thought. She turned to the side, fingers reaching for a new tool, but she paused, realizing her onlooker. Her (e/c) eyes, which matched her mother's, met with his cold, gray ones. But they were softer than usual, which gave her an uneasy feeling.  
  
"What are you doing?" His arms were crossed and he leaned against the door's entrance, but despite his rough-looking exterior, his voice was soft, and kind. Unlike most conversations they shared.  
  
She scrambled to her feet, her digits clamping down on the paper shakily as she stood and held it up in front of her.  
  
Levi straightened, approaching the young woman, his boney hands gently taking the paper from hers. She held her head down, awaiting his lecture or his scolding or his hand, but none of it was received.  
  
"It's good. You're very talented."  
  
(Name) gasped softly, her shaking hands held up to take the artwork back from him.  
  
Was that it? Did he really mean that?  
  
She smiled, unknown to her own lips. His shadow nearly devoured her own, forcing a new feeling of safety into her mind.  
  
But her smile faded, watching his palm turn towards her head, and she shut her eyes, gritting her teeth as she awaited the blow.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Only the slightest pat on her crown.  
  


 

V. _  
My dearest friend,  
Did you know I cried every night this week?  
I'm stuck, and I don't know where to turn.  
I'm scared. I'm scared of my mind. I'm scared of you.  
Every sound, every movement,  
I'm scared you're there to haunt me  
I know what I've done.  
I'm trying my best. I promise._

  
  
  
She held in her hiccups best she could, her palms pressed tightly against her ears, but to no use. The room was dark around her, her quilt pulled up to her chin, the rim of it wet with her salty tears.  
  
"Well what am I supposed to do, Erwin? You want me to remind her three times a day that she's a fuck-up? What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Levi, you need to watch out for her. She's your child - "  
  
"I have work to do! You know what, have Hanji stop by the orphanage sometime, maybe they'll take her!"  
  
"That's not what I'm suggesting. I understand it was an accident, but you are her father - "  
  
"I didn't ask to be!"  
  
No other words were exchanged. The whole office was quiet, (Name)'s hiccups ceasing as she took it in, relishing in the argument from the other room.  
  
"What am I supposed to do?" Levi nearly whispered, so quiet the drop of a pin could be heard.  
  
"Levi," Erwin spoke calmly, "I'm not going to tell you how to raise your child. However, you know that this is too dangerous a place for a little girl. You need to watch her."  
  
"I understand. Also, I'll send out a cadet or two to get Hanji new tools tomorrow."  
  


 

VI. _  
My dearest hope,  
I'm scared.  
I think of how fast you could leave,  
and I worry, hiding away.  
I don't want to cage away anymore.  
Please, don't forget about me,  
please treat me like a human,  
for I've forgotten how._

  
  
  
The room was covered in a dust she knew she'd be in trouble for later, however, the whole concept was numbing her to the core.  
  
No matter what she'd do, it was always getting her punished, in trouble with cadets, with squad leaders, with her father. It was never good.  
  
Her eleventh birthday was in a few days, would anyone even care to wish her a good day?  
  
She had locked herself in her room for her own safety, as well as everyone else's. And she was starting to worry about if anyone had noticed.  
  
Her father would enter the quarters a few times, only ever pacing or rushing to his desk and out the door.  
  
(Name)'s stomach growled, her thin arms going to wrap around it tightly as she sat on her bed.  
  


 

VII. _  
My dearest idol,  
I've not forgotten anything you've told me,  
good or bad, I remember.  
Everything I do, I know what you'd say.  
Am I really a burden?  
Do I really belong here?_

  
  
  
_"How stupid can you get?"  
  
"You're an Ackerman, aren't you? Act like it!"  
  
"You're trash! Useless trash!"_  
  
She remembered everything he called her. 'Worthless garbage', 'waste of air', 'dumbest dipshit', and apparently calling her a 'wad of fucking horse shit' was his favorite.  
  
Of course, she could never hate him, he was right, wasn't he? Levi Ackerman, the strongest man alive, her father; he wouldn't say all of that out of pure fun, would he?  
  
It had to be true to some extent.  
  
Behind closed doors or even straight to her face, she's filled herself up to the brim with every name she's been called, how many times she's screwed up and again and again how pointless it was to even continue loving her father the way she does so badly.  
  
She remembered the good things he's said to her.  
  
_"I know you can make it somewhere in this shithole."  
  
"You're so talented, (Name)."  
_  
She continuously wonders whether or not she's heard the phrase she's desperate for and not realized it. Oh, how bad she hopes she's heard it at least once from his lips, some sign to let her know her existence isn't pointless.  
  
But maybe another day.  
  
  
  


 

VIII. _  
My dearest paladin,  
I'm still growing,  
I've much to learn before I move forward on my own.  
I know I'm often causing trouble and  
I know it's getting harder for you to stay,  
but if you still love me,  
would you let me know?_

  
  
  
"(Name), go get a cadet for me." He asked every day.  
  
"Papa, I can get your tea today, if you would like."  
  
He hadn't looked up from his work, pen scribbling across the surface. "No, I wouldn't. Go get a cadet."  
  
She sighed, sliding of the leather couch beside his desk and opening the door, peaking her head out.  
  
The hallway was empty, not even distant chatter was heard.  
  
She hesitated, not wanting to turn back and tell her father, but she didn't want to roam aimlessly and end up getting lost.  
  
Thirteen years living in the headquarters and the girl still got lost in the halls.  
  
"(Name)." She froze, head still hanging out the entrance.  
  
"Hurry up, my patience is waning."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
(Name) stepped out, closing the door ever so lightly behind her before breathing in deep, and exhaling.  
  
She began walking in the direction of the mess hall, which she knew was only a short walk away.  
  
She just hoped she remembered how to make his tea.  
  


 

IX. _  
My dearest warrior,  
I'm still young, naïve and curious.  
Please don't leave me, help me.  
Please don't hurt me, heal me.  
Please don't hear me, listen to me.  
You're everything I've got.  
And I'm willing to fight for it._

  
  
  
Hanji had met up with the aging girl every week, whether it be for experiments, or quick favors, or just to sit with each other in solitude.  
  
Because Hanji noticed. Hanji noticed how her behaviors changed, and how she wasn't so much afraid of Levi, but just numb.  
  
How many other fifteen year old girls out there felt it was normal to feel unwanted, unloved, unimportant?  
  
"You know, (Name)," Hanji had said their last afternoon together, "Your father really has been wondering where you've been running off to these past couple months."  
  
The girl's now cold glare was downcast, focused on the thin fingers wrapped tightly around her warm mug, which was full to the brim with a chocolaty substance she used to have a favor for. She hadn't cared much for sweets anymore.  
  
"He is too busy."  
  
The conversation was pretty flat, Hanji unsure of what to say, carefully picking out her words and trying her best not to blurt out as she would normally.  
  
_"Hanji, I've tried - "  
  
"That's not good enough! She's practically withering away, where's the joyful girl she once was?"  
  
Levi's hands slammed against the wall of the hallway, attracting the attention of passerby's.  
  
"(Name) is none of your damn concern! If I remember clearly, it was you who had sent a complaint to me about how she was just in your way!"    
  
"She was immature! Just a child! She didn't understand, I was at fault - "  
  
"Oh shut up. I'm done with this, shitty-glasses. I don't want to talk about this again. Leave her be."  
  
As he walked away, Hanji had called out again, silencing the halls.  
  
"I won't be surprised if she is found dead tomorrow!"  
  
It was like a sharp knife through his chest; one he'd never forget. His little girl, dead?  
  
"Don't you dare think to yourself that it's unlikely! She thinks about it everyday, Levi!"  
  
He continued on his way, refusing to turn around, knowing that if he did, he would march back and snap her and all those stupid cadets in half.  
  
They didn't know. No one knew. (Name) was fine, she would always be. Because he loved her, he did. He really did._  
  


 

X. _  
My dearest,  
I love you.  
And I know somewhere inside,  
you still love me.  
But there's a place for me,  
and though it may not be here,  
I will stay by your side.  
For I know how it feels to  
be left behind.  
And I love you too much to  
leave you behind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verses written by me.


	14. Born to Die | Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Erwin / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: N/A

__**Because you and I,**

****

 

* * *

  
  
  
Black suit crisp and clean, not a wrinkle spotted by anyone standing before him. The crowd was in awe at how precise he was; he always was. His blonde hair was neatly tucked behind his ears, sleek and shine as usual. Hands folded behind his back, the silver band around his finger hidden to the people below him.  
  
He stood tall, with a smile, prepared to admit defeat against fate and against his will to carry on for the good of humanity.   
  
His blue eyes held no remorse however, he was ready to face consequences.  
  
  
" _Erwin Smith._ "  
  
  
Some held their heads high below him, feeling he deserves what is to come. Some close their eyes. Some leave.  
  
One pushes her way to the stage were Erwin stands straight, eyes focused forward.  
  
  
" _You've committed treason against your king,_ "  
  
  
She called out to him, trying everything she could to get him to just  _look_  at her.  
  
But he couldn't, not while she still wore the Wings Of Freedom draped across her backside on a quilt of green. Dried blood still crusted to the tips of her boots and uniform jacket.  
  
  
" _your people,_ "  
  
  
Members of the Military Police stood beside him on the stage, guns in hand and patiently waiting for the signal.  
  
  
" _and your soldiers._ "  
  
  
A familiar soldier, nodded his head towards the advancing woman, cadets rushing down the steps towards her.  
  
Erwin kept his head up, refusing to meet her glance.   
  
  
" _You have sent thousands to their deaths,_ "  
  
  
The crowd was quiet, save for the somber cries of the last soldier.   
  
How could she still wear those wings, still hope to change humanity's fate after everything? How could she dare after losing all of her friends, her family, fellow soldiers and innocent citizens?  
  
  
" _and for that,_ "  
  
  
Erwin stepped back a few steps with the guide of the soldier's gun, placing himself under the necklace of rope, made just for him.  
  
"Erwin!" He shut his eyes, his mouth curving downward. He had to stay strong; to prove this is for the better. He knows this is his fate.  
  
But her matching ring tugged at his heart, pulling it in different directions. It was antagonizing, almost showing on his perfectly sculpted face.  
  
  
" _you will be released of your title as Commander..._ "  
  
  
The rope was lowered over his crown, falling under his chin. It was so out of place, all eyes gaping at his position in front of the palace. His eyes flicked up, to the wall that he had sworn his life, and others to protect. To the crowd of citizens, some bashful and unthankful for the service, others still strong and hopeful.   
  
The soldier thrashing was near the back of the audience, resisting the Military Police members pulling at her limbs. They had no worn down, and showed no signs of doing so. She was persistent.  
  
She called for him, a broken jumble of syllables. But as he lowered his chin for the first time, he smiled, whole-heartedly and loving, eyes meeting her pleading ones, tears spilling over her red face.  
  
He held up his hand, giving a slight wave, the only thing he could do with the guns pointed at his chest. It was deemed pointless to most, but to him; the gleam of the sun off his ring proved more.  
  
She gasped, face contorting into one of heartbreak. And the floor below him was gone in an instant.  
  
  
" _and executed._ "  
  
  


* * *

 

  
__**We were born to die.**

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**** please comment before you favorite!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Born to Die by Lana Del Rey


	15. B(l)inded | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Child!Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Language, 
> 
> Other: Italics signal the past

"Where is she?"  
  
" _Who_ , Sir?"  
  
"(Name), damn it! (Name) Ackerman!"  
  
"Captain, I apologize but there's too many patients in to have visitors - "  
  
"I am her fucking _father_. You will understand me when I ask you where she is located!"  
  


 

-

  
  
  
_"Papa, look!" Levi sighed, picking his head up to see his six year old run up to his desk, flowers in hand. Well, more accurately,_ weeds _in hand. Her hands were covered in mud, causing him to flinch back behind the mahogany barrier._  
  
(Name) smiled, fingers fumbling with the stems of the dirty dandelions in her hands.  
  
"(Name). Are you serious?"  
  
"I got you flowers!"  
  
"Those are weeds."  
  
"Oh," she said, looking down at them with wide (e/c) eyes, similar to her mother's. "Well, you can have them anyway!"  
  


 

-

  
  
  
"Levi - "  
  
"No, I don't want to hear it," Levi said, shakily sitting against the wall outside the infirmary, "She was covered. Damn it."  
  


 

-

  
  
  
_"Papa?"_  
  
(Name) pulled her blankets up, hiding her face under the soft fabric. No response.  
  
"Papa?" she called out a bit louder.  
  
She heard a loud groan from across the hall, and soon but sure, Levi appeared in the doorway, noticeable bags hanging low under his eyes.  
  
"Can you stay in here until I fall asleep?"  
  
"(Name), I have paperwork to do - "  
  
"Please?" she drawled, "I'm scared of the dark."  
  
That was a lie. She was perfectly content with being shrouded in darkness; she just missed him.  
Levi scoffed, slowly moving towards her bed and sitting next to her. Her eyes were trained on his, waiting for him to lie down.  
  
But he just sat there.  
  
"Are you asleep yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
Levi rubbed at his temple, his elbows resting on his knees, head drooping, exhausted.  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"I'm never going to fall asleep if you keep talking!" (Name) giggled.  
  
He placed his worn hands over her eyes.  
  
"Are you sleeping now _?"_  
  
She laughed, putting her small hands over his, still on her forehead. She peaked at him through his  fingers, grin widening.  
  


 

-

  
  
  
Too many bodies. Winning against the titans only ever felt farther away to Levi. It seemed as if less and less would make it to the finishing line.  
  
"I think I have a headcount," Hanji announced. Even she had been seemingly hopeless. "I'll go let the health team know - "  
  
"Captain Levi!"  
  
"Captain!"  
  
Levi clicked his tongue, turning around. Gunther reached his side first, immediately blurting out as much information as he could before Levi could see past him and Petra's break-down. The closer Mike got, the dangling figure in his arms spilling blood every step, the more the objects and voices around Levi would fade, becoming an annoying blur.  
  
His feet began moving before his brain had processed the concept.  
  
There was too much blood; she was almost unrecognizable.  
  


 

-

  
  
  
Levi hadn't gone to see her in her infirmary room since she had been admitted. He couldn't face her. He couldn't face that the one thing he wanted to protect; the one thing he _needed_ to protect, came up to him coated in blood.  
  
Hanji visited her regularly, and once she had ended her visit, she would one way or another let Levi know of her condition. Sometimes he had enough energy to get up and talk to her face-to-face, most of the time he couldn't get up from his chair, crippling guilt dragging him down. He would only feel rooted there more when Hanji would tell him through the door, just as she had the first time.  
  
  
_"(Name)'s blind, Levi._  
  
  
He shouldn't be so selfish; sitting here, without paying a single visit to his daughter. He felt too much of a failure, unworthy of her time. He should have been grateful it was just her eyes that had been taken from her; he knew that. It could have been her life, it almost was.  
  
  


 

-

  
  
  
_"(Name), someone's coming to visit today," Hanji said, false excitement leaking through her voice. The girl jumped up, standing on her cot with hands out to balance herself._  
  
Mike stood beside the closed door, Levi only outside, listening. He could hear the happiness in each breath she would take, in each of her subtle giggles. He crossed his arms, leaning against the frame.  
  
(Name) held her hands out, and Mike, without a word, knelt down so she could reach his face. Her fingers scoped out his features, her smile gradually fading as they skimmed over his scruff.  
  
"You're not Papa," she whimpered. Hanji and Mike swapped glances. The last thing they wanted was to make her cry.  
  


 

-

  
  
  
The door was left with a crack, leaving little light to peel into her hospital room. It was pointless, only being left open to comfort her from darkness. _How stupid..._ Levi thought.  
  
He knew she wasn't sleeping; her constant shifting and turning in the makeshift cot giving a squeak  every movement, the only noise throughout the whole floor.  
  
Levi pushed the door open gently, eyeing the child laying face up on the bed. He felt himself choke up, expecting her to jump up with joy and into his arms. But she stayed still.  
  
"(Name)."  
  
Her milky eyes widened, and she sat up slowly, hands immediately reaching out first, fingers clenching and un-clenching.  
  
Levi wore a slight smile on his face, approaching slowly before gripping her wrists and guiding her hands to his face.  
  
Her soft fingers quickly made a picture in her mind, gliding smoothly over his forehead and cheekbones, right down to his jawline and pointed chin.  
  
Once she stopped, hands paused on either side of his face, he brought her closer, hands wrapped around the small of her back. She whined out, her frail arms making their way around his torso.  
  
"I missed you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to a few songs writing this:  
> Grapevine Valentine by Kingsfoil  
> Bloodstream by Stateless  
> Brother by X Ambassadors  
> Honest by The Neighbourhood


	16. Viridity | Reiner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Reiner / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Mild Violence, Language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Viridity (n.) - naive innocence

"No, No! She's not a part of this!"   
  
"Go grab her too, Levi."  
  
Levi didn't spare Reiner a glance before directing his new squad to follow him to the barracks. Reiner was seated on his knees, hands behind his back, chained. He kept his eyes cast down, unable to look into the merciless eyes of the leader he had false respect for the whole time.  
  
"This is such a waste, you know?" Hanji had said with her ample enthusiasm. "Such amazing skill we've seen in soldiers, only to have been played out as a farce."   
  
Erwin kept his cold glare tied to Reiner's very soul. Was it possible to even feel guilty about this? All of the mass murders and destruction, why hadn't he felt the immense guilt before hand?  
  
He should have listened to Bertolt, he shouldn't have -  
  
Her body hit the floor hard in front of the killer, the door slapping against the wall as Captain Levi towered in after her, and his squad following him. She groaned, turning onto her back before curling onto her side; another kick launched to her torso.   
  
"Get the hell up, titan  _shit_."  
  
"T-Titan?"   
  
The toes of his boots knocked into the side of her knee, forcing her to the ground. It made Reiner's stomach twist. He had to swallow his guilt and watch the girl he loved get blamed and threatened for something  _he_  was at fault for. She had no part in this!  
  
The girl was a shaking mess on the floor, terrified and confused.  
  
"Who else is with you?" Levi said, anger visible in his grey eyes. Reiner's eyes trailed behind him, to his comrades. Some had scared looks on their faces, some were standing tall and proud, he could almost hear their whispers of ' _traitor_.' "I'm talking to you, shifter."   
  
Reiner leaned over, scrunching his eyes and curling his fingers into a fist behind his back. Levi's boot-clad feet were in front of him, clean as ever.  
  
His tongue clicked off his teeth, his eyes narrowing down at his form. Reiner looked up, his blue eyes meeting Levi's.  
  
"No one."  
  
"Bullshit."  
  
"No one else is with me!"  
  
"Telling lies will only put you farther under my foot, jackass!" Levi raised his voice. It sent shivers through the cadets' spines, even through Reiner's, whom tried to keep calm as much as he could. He couldn't break, he had to keep his composure.  
  
When the blonde gave no answer, Levi grit his teeth and turned to (Name), tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her head back at an uncomfortable angle.  
  
"Tell me who you work with. I won't ask again," Levi called. His question was directed towards Reiner, but his eyes were cast on (Name).   
  
"It's just me."  
  
Levi's chest heaved, and he sent a kick into the girl's stomach, sending her down breathless, and soon after he did it again, and again, and again and again. Countless punts. In only a matter of minutes, her eyes were rolling into her head and she was coughing up; saliva coming from the corners of her lips and heavy intakes of air being sucked through her mouth.  
  
Those were the longest minutes of Reiner's life.  
  
  


➼ ➼ ➼

  
  
  
There was nothing they could do to make him talk. Annie was being stored away who knows where, and now they were on his ass. He wouldn't give Bertolt away. Now they thought (Name) was a shifter?  
  
She had no idea, he never wanted her to be involved - let alone know.  
  
They were kept chained in solid brick rooms. Guards kept armed with guns standing at either side of the entrance, with a silent warning that any thing he tried would get him killed.   
  
The men lowered their guns suddenly with quick greetings to Commander Erwin and his Squad Leaders. (Name) was conscious, thankfully, and being led to the opposite wall to be chained up like an animal, just as he was. Her interrogation was over, and from the new swollen areas on her face and arms, he could already tell it hadn't gone so smoothly. Her legs were black and blue, scraped up, as she was lowered roughly, sitting with her legs on either side of her hips.  
  
Then, just like that, Erwin and his group left, no words and no looks exchanged.  
  
It was quiet; uncomfortable.  
  
Reiner pushed his head back, the rough concrete walls hard against his skull.  
  
  
"They...they think I'm a titan..." Her voice was a raspy whisper. It was nearly a cry, her hands shaking at her sides. "Why? Why would I be a titan? I would never want to - "  
  
Her voice was cut off by a sob slipping in her throat, her lips pinching together to avoid being told to shut up. Her tears barely washed any dirt or blood from her cheeks, and it made the blonde's blood boil. Her cheeks weren't a lively (s/c), they were black and blue. Her eyes were dull instead of the curious (e/c), and her hair was dirty and matted down to her head with knots.  
  
Her shoulders shook and Reiner felt his shoulders go slack, slouching and letting his head droop down.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She looked up, eyes searching for his in the dim cell.   
  
"This is my fault."  
  
"No, i-it's just a mistake, they must have been given false informa- "  
  
"It's my fault!"  
  
This was so different compared to other meetings they've had. They were always gentle; he never shouted, she never wore a frown when they were together. It was so strange, especially when he glanced up to meet her confusion-marked features.  
  
She was still beautiful, it even scared him a bit.  
  
"I'm - I'm so sorry, I never wanted you to know. I never thought you'd be dragged into  _this_."  
  
Her eyes shone with more tears, her mouth curling into a cry.   
  
The soldiers outside their cell had distanced themselves, walking down the hall with a conversation brewing between them, unheard to Reiner and (Name).  
  
(Name) wanted to forget about what he had admitted to. She wanted to forget that day that there were two new breeds of titan. She wanted to forget meeting Reiner, and forget ever thinking joining this Legion was a good idea. She wanted to forget it all.  
  
"W-why would you - who else?"  
  
"Annie...and Bertolt," he muttered, loud enough for only her ears. He knew he shouldn't have given Bertolt away, but it slipped out. She was good at making him comfortable enough to tell her everything, even when she wasn't trying.  
  
Although, would she believe it? Bertolt Fubar, the kindest, gentlest heart she's met in such a long time - a killer?  
  
She felt a fuse light up inside her, and she was no longer shaking in terror and pain, but betrayal and anger.  
  
"Why?" She asked with a new-found confidence.  
  
Reiner's words were taken from his throat and he opened his mouth with nothing to say.  
  
"You're a killer. You murdered innocent people, hundreds..."  
  
"I know. I-I didn't mean to involve you, I'm sorry."  
  
"You're a liar. All of those expeditions failed, all of those soldiers...You, Annie and Bertolt...you all did that?"  
  
"(Name)..."  
  
"That blood is on your hands. You were faking it all," She recalled every time Reiner would spend with her, mourning lost comrades and lost plans. He had sounded so sincere, so upset over it all. It was all just a game? "Were you lying to me too? You didn't love me at all, did you? It was just a part of...this?"  
  
"No! No, that was real -"  
  
"And now they think I'm a killer too..." she had started to mutter, scoffing, "I'm so stupid."  
  
He waited for her to speak again, to maybe, somehow forgive him.  _Somehow_. He couldn't lose this girl.  
  
"Please, (Name)."  
  
Footfall echoed through the empty dungeon like cells, and Reiner could already feel the anger radiating off of the Captain and the Commander.  
  
"I'll kill you with my bare hands before they do," she whispered, eyes locked on his, not a blink to separate the tension. He was speechless. Of course he had lost all of her trust, he deserved it. She was changed, she would never dare kill a person. Not ever, but he was a cold blooded murderer.   
  
"I love you, (Name)."  
  
" _I'll kill you, Reiner Braun._ "


	17. 1901 | Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Erwin / Child!Reader  
> Genre: Fluff, Drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

Drabble | Modern AU

* * *

 

 

Everything was quiet, save for the crunches of boots against the snow. A light layer of the frost lay across the town, coating it in peace. It was the time of day where everyone was inside their homes, snuggled away from the cold and all the lights were out.  
  
The child's small feet plopped into Erwin's bigger boot prints heavily. It was so strange watching children focus on the smallest of wonders; having to jump into every foot print in the quiet snow.  
  
Erwin smiled and pulled his scarf over his chin, his cheeks and nose red from the cold.  
  
Not a single face was seen around, not a car nor a light. Shops were closed early for holiday and the cold shooed people back into their homes. It was beautiful.  
  
While (Name) kept (his/her) gaze on the ground, Erwin looked up, the sky a warm, dull red.  
  
"Oof."  
  
Erwin turned to the young (♂ / ♀), stifling a laugh. (She/He) was on her back, staring up at him, little snowflakes landing gently on the (s/t) skin of (her/his) nose. (Name) grunted and huffed, swaying (her/his) little arms around. This big puffy jacket was only getting in the way, why did Erwin even make (her/him) wear it?  
  
Eventually tiring out, little arms ceased all movement and just lay limp in defeat. Erwin knelt down, gloved hands taking a hold of the child and bringing (Name) up to a sitting position.  
  
"I expected there to be more snow this winter," he said, looking into wide (e/c) eyes.  
  
Cold erupted through his pale skin, prickles of ice hiding under his warm scarf and into the creases of his jacket. His lips were tightly drawn, nose scrunched as he brought one hand to his cheek to wipe the snow away.  
  
"That's for making me wear such an annoying jacket!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1901 by Birdy


	18. Calm | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Child!Reader  
> Genre: Angst? Maybe mystery or horror? Idk really  
> Warnings: N/A
> 
> Other: Zombie!AU

"Are they going to get in?"  
  
Levi turned to the girl, an old teddy bear clutched tight to her chest. Her face held fear, eyes boiling with tears and lips sucked inwards. She was trying to be strong, but he could see through it. She was only a little girl.  
  
Levi turned his head up, eyes squinting through the dark tunnel at the latch on the door, chained to every pipe in the tunnel. Anything to stop them from getting in.  
  
"No, no they aren't."  
  
Levi stepped back from the ladder, towards the small figure standing back a few feet, ready to bolt to the back room in case needed. She was shaking, her fingers grabbing at the string around the bear's neck nervously.  
  
Levi knelt down in front of her, a look in his eyes so unfamiliar, it scared her even more. He barely registered the feeling himself. The man put a hand gently on her shoulder, fingers softly rubbing at her back shoulder to calm her, if only a little.  
  
"You're doing great, keep being _very_ quiet, understand?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
  
Dust sprinkled down from the ceiling of the bunker, and the lamp on the table beside them began to shake in place, a quiet clinking ringing in their ears. It was quiet, way too quiet.  
  
  
The chains shook in place, rattling the two out of their own skins. Levi, out of instinct, pushed the child behind him before he held his arms out to shield them both from whatever threatened their lives.  
  
"I-It's them," she said, tears rolling down her face one after another, "Those  _things_ , they're here to get us -!"  
  
"Shh! (Name), baby, you need to be quiet."  
  
One of the chains was shaken loose; the heavy clang alerting them both of their fate. There was no other way out.  
  
(Name) let out a quiet whimper, slowly growing into a cry too loud in Levi's ears. How were they getting the chains loose? How were they supposed to get out of this alive? Levi felt the panic rise up in his core, shaking him to the realization that she wouldn't grow up. She couldn't live a normal life, even if they had made it past this, survived, she would still be traumatized; still unable to live on the surface. Unable to live without fear.  
  
Another heavy bang against the bunker trapdoor and the girl let her head droop, tears rolling off her face and onto the floor near her feet.  
  
Levi's breath hitched and he pulled her to his chest gently, allowing her to cry into his shoulder, telling her to keep calm, keep calm, keep calm.  As much as the dust and dirt latched onto both of their bodies and the area around them bothered Levi to no end, he couldn't even focus on how unsanitary it was when (Name) was upset.  
  
He held her close, only a few feet from the ladder where the latch had finally been knocked off and the chains were all coming loose. They were going to get in, there was no escaping it.  
  
He quickly stood, shoving her forward as light and quick as he could, getting her through the archway before pulling a curtain over the doorway, blocking the terrifying sight before them.  
  
Constantly shushing her, his voice cracking from desperation now, he sat her on the papery cot lined against the wall.  
  
He squatted down in front of her, watching as she clutched the stuffed bear close, it's button eyes nearly popping off of it's furry head. (Name) tucked her legs under her body, as if she feared the monsters would come from under the makeshift bed.  
  
He almost smiled at the memory of their old life, when the young girl would hide under the covers in her bed, fearing the monsters in her dreams. Only then, Levi was able to chase them away. Now, he wasn't so sure he could. Judging from the non-stop tears pooling in her eyes and maybe even his own, it was doubtful.  
  
Her breaths picked up, and Levi couldn't find the strength to tell her to breath easily. His own lungs felt full of smoke.  
  
Levi heard another chain rustle against the pipes roughly before the whole bunker seemed to freeze with time.  
  
The hatch door fell to the ground, dust floating into the room they occupied.  
  
"They...T-They're i-in -"  
  
Levi pressed the palm of his hand over her lips, and he felt her tears run over the creases in his fingers rapidly.  
  
"Shh.."  
  
Levi released her from his tight hold, and thought up a lost resort. No matter what, she had to _keep calm_.  
  
He lifted two fingers, shakily placing them over her closed eyelids ever so gently.  
  
"(Name)," he whispered, "Let's play a game."  
  
"A-A game?"  
  
"Yes. Keep your eyes closed." A tear rolled down Levi's own cheek once he heard the heavy breathing just a few feet away. He couldn't tell if he wanted her to keep her eyes closed for her sake or his own. How would she react knowing that he himself was crying, showing signs of hopelessness, a loss of what to do to save her?  
  
"Let's pretend you're at home. You just woke up, you're ready to get my ass out of bed and make you some food. You whiny little brat."  
  
She giggled quietly through her tears, and Levi felt his heart pick up pace in his chest.  
  
"Okay, now imagine you're getting to the table, and there is steaming, delicious pancakes there just for you, just how you like them."  
  
Muffled voices quietly addressed each other a room away, but Levi kept his eyes on the girl in front of him. She came first.  
  
"You take a bite -"  
  
"Mmm," she smiled.  
  
"Can you see it?" Levi trailed his fingers down her cheeks, his finger tips just barely touching her chin before she nodded.  
  
A deep hiss like noise echoed through their bunker; the Breathers were right on the other side of the curtain. They were here.  
  
(Name) began to whimper again, shaking in Levi's hold. His face felt hot, his blood boiling with delayed anger and sadness, fear of losing the child he held dear.  
  
"Keep your eyes closed, baby."  
  
His nerves began to twitch.  
  
' _Stay calm, Levi_ '.  
  
"I won't let them touch you, baby-girl. Just keep your eyes closed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired and based on the movie Hidden.  
> I totally recommend it.


	19. Lost | Farlan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Farlan / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff & Angst, Drabble  
> Warnings: Hints of Abuse

_**My only friend was the man in the moon,** _

 

* * *

  
  
A steady finger pressed down on the skin around the new bruise, making the violet welt stand out against the light skin around it. She lifted her finger from the spot, pressure easing the blood back into the skin.   
  
Knees were skinned, blood still trailing from the wood panels in the flooring to the hay-like bedding.   
  
A soft sigh sounded like a bell through the small bedroom, only big enough to fit a small bed and a bedside table.   
  
"Why don't you come with me?"  
  
"I can't. You know that."  
  
"We can leave this place, quicker than light. You'll never have to see his dirty face again."  
  
Some nights were easier; only the two of them, soaring high above the underground city. But tonight, it wasn't.  
  
(Name)'s eyes were downcast, staring dead into the chipping paper on the wall.   
  
"I promise," he had her attention now, "I'll never leave you in the hands of a monster ever again."   
  
His fingers were cast out towards her, calling out to her in a silent wave. And she smiled, and took flight with him again.  
  


* * *

 

**_And even sometimes he would go away too._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Lost Boy by Ruth B.


	20. Noceur | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff  
> Warnings: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noceur (n.) - one who sleeps very little or not at all

By the time Levi had finally gotten all of the complex uniform gear off of his worn body and crawled into bed, there was a little stretch of time between when he finally fell into slumber and when he was abruptly awoken not much later.   
  
Turning on his side, hands tucked underneath his flat pillow, he closed his tired eyes, making it seem as though he was asleep, but he heard every twitch and movement the other side of the bed had to offer.   
  
It seemed like forever until everything was settled and his eyes finally closed and breaths slowed.   
  
"Levi?" A whisper sounded from behind him, "Are you awake?"  
  
He hummed back.  
  
She sighed, laying on her backside, arms strung out off the side of the bed.   
  
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.  
  
Levi's eyes opened and he turned to his other side, facing the young woman, her beautiful (e/c) eyes cast on the ceiling above them.  
  
"I wasn't going to sleep any time soon anyway."  
  
(Name)'s throat felt dry; like the words she wanted to say had bubbled in her head but somehow abandoned her on the battlefield. Her hands waved above her, as if waving her fingers would gather her scattered thoughts.  
  
Levi was patient; eyes still trained on her lovely figure, that he was still unsure was real. She was breath-taking, even when she was silly, or bothersome, or angry. She still continued to make the man's brain form a puddle when on most occasions, he'd be composed.   
  
(Name) turned her head to him, their eyes meeting. She broke contact first, her head slowly turning back to the dull room around them; enclosing the two in a lonely atmosphere, even when they had each other. Nights before expeditions were always like this.  
  
"What if - I might -" She bit her lip harshly, brows scrunching over her eyes in a fit of frustration. "If I -"  
  
"'What If's' usually don't happen."   
  
"But what if they do?"  
  
Levi groaned, "You sound like a child."  
  
A smile broke out on her face, which brought a small smirk to his own face.   
  
"Levi, seriously," she sighed, "What if I mess up, and lose my whole squad? I don't think I could face the faces of their family; their children, their parents."  
  
"We are always losing soldiers, (Name). This is what they, what  _we_  signed up for."  
  
"It's inevitable." Her last whisper blanketed them in another uncomfortable silence.   
  
Levi stretched his arms out, grabbing at her side and tugging her close to his chest while her head was tucked under his, his chin resting on her crown. His eyes then again, closed, while hers remained wide open, scaling the room.  
  
"You are one of the strongest soldiers in the Legion. You are smart, swift, and always know what to do in a tough situation. And  _if_  it came down to just yourself and your squad, I'm positive you would all work something out and survive."  
  
"You really think so?"   
  
Levi clicked his tongue off of his teeth, scowling in the darkness.   
  
"Yes; now close your mouth and go to sleep."  
  
He was brash, but it brought a smile to her features; her rosy cheeks lighting up under her eyes.  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Shh."  
  
"Okay, I'm sleeping."  
  
"(Name), I can still hear you, therefore, you aren't."  
  
"I am!"  
  
"You're about to sleep on the floor, (Name)."  
  
"...Okay."  
  
  



	21. Entache | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Child!Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Violence, Language, Implied Sex, Drugs/Alcohol
> 
> Other: Modern!AU

  
_March 19, 1971_  
  
I'm homeless.  
  
I got a house. A pretty nice, big house. I got stacks of money filling every room in it; blood-stained, carpeted floor to the chipping ceiling.  
  
I got friends. Two best friends and a gun.  
  
I got my head. I'm no shit-faced dumb ass. Try to pull a fast one and see how much of a fast one I'll pull on the trigger of my pistol.  
  
I got my drinks, my drugs, my whores. My business.  
  
I've got a good set, and yet I can still call myself homeless.  
  
But the one thing I don't have, is all the fucks I give for those who fell below me.  
  
  
_May 21, 1971_  
  
"I swear to God, this asshole has made us wait for twenty more minutes than when we were supposed to trade off."  
  
"Levi," Farlan sighed, slumping down in his seat next to me. The car's windows were tinted black as the rest of the car, but I still felt I was being watched.  
  
"Who gives a fuck if he doesn't get his weed? I got a line of people to buy the shit. I don't need his garbage money."  
  
Isabel laughed from the front seat, "Yeah, well, here he comes now. Try not to say that nonsense to his face - looks like he brought some friends."  
  
I looked over Farlan's shoulder, watching three men walk from the mansion, narrowing my eyes at the large guns they so confidently carried. Guns don't change strength and I know if it came down to it we'd have those bastards on their stomachs on the ground in seconds.  
  
Farlan reaches into the back pocket of the driver's seat, pulling out a small revolver, and he pulls two bullets from under the seat. Nodding towards me, he opens the door to the car and gets out, standing straight and confident just as he always does.  
And I follow him out the door, holding the silver case in my arms, my black suit ironed and neat, my white collar bright against my scarred skin.  
  
I can already tell this dirt bag isn't too experienced in this field just from the way he looks. He's a young guy, wearing a casual green shirt and jeans like he had come from some football game or college get together or some dumb shit.  
  
I straighten my back, staring the kid in the face and keeping the case close to my side. He has a confused smirk, and I hope to God I ain't his first deal.  
  
Farlan clears his throat and the guy digs into his jeans pocket and has the audacity to ask: "How much?"  
  
Am I the fucking idiot here, or does this kid really not know who I am?  
  
"I don't know, how much did you think 50 fucking kilos of cocaine would be?"  
  
He flinches back and holds his hand out, trying hard to pull a smirk back onto his features, "Sorry, my buddy is the guy you're looking for. I'm just fuckin' around. Name's Eren."  
  
Farlan follows my lead as I ignore his gesture and walk towards the complex.  
  
Well, Eren, you're a fucking waste of my time.  
  
  
_May 24, 1971_  
  
Eren's _buddy_ , Jean Kirschtein ain't much less of a bore, but also a whiny bitch. He is young too, and I wonder how long it has been since they graduated high school - or if they graduated at all.  
  
I guess I can't ask why kids these days waste their time with drugs - I was smoking since I was a brat myself.  
  
Walking into that room to meet the guy was suffocating, only because of how many whores and unfinished smokes he kept in there. I grimaced, just reminding myself to get on with it; get the money and leave while Farlan and Isabel waited outside.  
  
And then, I was invited to a party, just a party, not in celebration of anything. Normally, I wouldn't even have to debate on whether or not we were going, but Farlan has me convinced I could possibly gain new clients.  
  
And I can never argue with money.  
  
  
_June 2, 1971_  
  
Shit is never good in the life of a drug smuggler. I'm a villain, a bad guy. I know that. Always have.  
  
The party was a bust, the cops kicking the door down and arresting everyone inside for our illegal drugs. Well, more or less my illegal drugs. But before that, I had gotten a nice, stiff drink; something I hadn't gotten in a while. I had fucked a faceless woman - think she had (thin/thick) (h/c) hair. I don't really remember, but I do remember I wasn't too excited about the wine spills and lipstick stains on my skin and clothes up until I noticed the barrel of a blonde man's gun in my face.  
  
Jean was drunk off his horse, so thankfully, my money wasn't completely on the line, but being that I was sentenced to prison for something like two years, I'd say the bail money better not be _my_ money. I can wait two years if it means I get whatever it is the police left at my place.  
  
  
_April 27, 1974_  
  
Who the fuck would ever hire a prisoner? Erwin Smith, a captain in the force, told me the whole time I was in that damned cell: "When you get out you can get a nice job, a nice wife and maybe even a child..."  
  
Spare me the bullshit. I'm going back to what I do best. Maybe Erwin just wanted to fuck with me like he always does. I'll show him, he'll know it's useless by the time I arrive in this cell again.  
  
  
_August 12, 1975_  
  
I never reached a deal that ended too badly. I'm always hearing of these horrible endings where there are gun fights and there are twenty different men with bullet wounds on the ground with no family to claim their bodies.  
  
From the faceless whore whom I met at the party telling me she was pregnant to Farlan being out of commission with a bullet lodged in his shoulder and thigh, I can't see where all my fortune and luck have gone.  
  
My money is deteriorating, my friends are being picked off and now I have people I don't know names of following me around for my personal life.  
  
  
_April 15, 1976_  
  
I am a father. Of course Farlan and Isabel had made me stay in contact, because it was _unfair_ to leave the prostitute with my bastard kid. We were drunk and it was fun, but I didn't want the aftermath.  
  
But looking at this child, holding her in my arms, I realize how fragile life is. I've been sitting at my desk, in a room where I can actually see the wall color now - light (e/c). It reminds me of her eyes.  
  
I want to protect her from everything. I just hope getting shot for canceling deals won't be on the agenda.  
  
  
_January 4, 1979_  
  
It was snowing, and _God,_ I didn't know blood could be everywhere so fast.  
  
It flew, bodies flailing and getting buried and forgotten in the snow, my best friends' included.  
  
I ran with the money, with the gun, with the one bullet I had left to hold the fuckers off. They didn't just want to let the deal go. They always need more fucking drugs.  
  
Those greedy bastards always need more blood.  
  
I ran down the hill from the complex; it was a huge property, one I've only visited few times, belonging to a face I only recognized by the name of Kenny.  
  
His yard has black cars sprawled everywhere, guns in the trunks and money lay wet in the snow. Everything was still, and I was quiet.  
  
Stepping forward, I leaped over a fairly large body, ignoring the blood left in my trail as I darted for a tree, wiping at the snow falling into my eyes.  
  
I barely realized my numb hands still held onto the briefcase tight, refusing to let go of the hundreds of dollars I have left to save my child and myself.  
  
  
There hadn't been many gunshots in the last few seconds, but those could have been minutes or hours and I wouldn't have noticed. Everything was going to fast. Why hadn't I been with Isabel and Farlan?  
  
I stepped out from behind the tree, looking into the distance. Not a single moving body, not a single noise. I needed to get back to the car.  
  
The feeling was tight in my ribcage, like a pulling on my lungs, wrapping them around each individual rib until my body was being squeezed so tight it snapped. I collapsed, coughing, recovering from the hard hit, looking up through my bangs.  
  
The fucker brought the gun right to the side of my head, knocking my face into the snow, cold pin pricks on my skin. Everything was numb, and he was beating me. I couldn't even stand, couldn't even admit defeat to myself. I just tried to understand what would happen if I didn't get up from the snow today.  
  
  
_September 18, 1982_  
  
I just know I'm going to grow old in this prison. I feel like these people I've known forever, very few ever leaving before I do. They've done worse. But Erwin told me the cops are getting fed up with my acts; that's right _they_ are.  
  
This time I'm staying an extra year. Oh boo.  
  
My girl, (Name) is eight now. She must have started school already. I hope, I know she'll be a genius.  
  
Of course, it's only expected for her mother to get custody of the child. She is kind enough to let me see her, but being all I've done lately, I wouldn't be surprised if that was no longer the case.  
  
  
"Up, Ackerman, you got visitors," Smith called, rattling chains against my door. That's right, I needed my cuffs to leave my cell.  
  
Swinging my feet over the concrete bed, I looked down at my legs, covered in a brown cloth I have never felt myself get so sick of.  
  
I pressed myself to stand, walking towards the sink I had in my cell, a cracked mirror hanging above it crookedly. I nearly gagged.  
  
My face was bruised beyond recognition, blood still crusted to cuts and welts no one had made an effort to clean. When did my life start like this?  
  
"Levi. Let's hurry it up this morning, won't you?"  
  
I snapped my wrists forward, clenched fists enclosed by the metal bands, practically screaming at me: "You're trapped! You'll never be free!"  
  
  
Erwin led me past cells, many prisoners still sleeping while others were up doing God knows what. The room with all those shitty phones and the windows was where I was going, and every time I stepped foot in there, I felt my blood rush from my head and my vision goes blank.  
  
Today, it was different; I knew I was going to only talk to a client, they wanted to know when I'd be out. If I was lucky it would be Farlan or Isabel. But that wouldn't be the case anymore.  
  
I swore their bodies were still out freezing in that damned snow.  
  
I took a seat, my arm slung against the back of the stool and I stared ahead, waiting for my 'visitor.'  
  
  
A not-so-familiar woman strolled in, wearing a large fur coat and heels, her hair strung in curls around her pudgy face.  
  
I picked up the phone, but listened to not a damn word the bitch said. And when she noticed, I sighed and scratched at my forehead, bored.  
  
She slammed the phone down and got up, turning around and squatting. That caught my attention more than her lecture. This fucking woman. I knew nothing about her, and yet she had the care to scold me as if she were my mother. Damn her to hell. She knows we are nothing.  
  
That is, until I feel my breath pick up and the hairs on my arms and neck stand straight up. My jaw dropped and I felt so much anger, so much _sadness_.  
  
I held the phone close to my ear, just in case the child I had come to treasure decided picking it up was worth a shot. Her mother urged her to the stool, shoving the phone into her small hands. Her curious eyes never left my face and I knew how scary it must have been.  
  
I've always been gentle and loving with her. Now my face looks as if I got mauled by a bear. Why would anyone take a child - why would she take my baby into this terrible place? To break me? To show (Name) I'm not worth waiting on?  
  
I've had a lot of 'never's' in my life, and this feeling of guilt, regret, embarrassment...I've _never_ felt anything like it.  
  
  
I spoke quietly, my eyes focused on hers, even through the black welt around my left.  
  
"Hey, baby-girl."  
  
She looked down, and I saw how anxious she really was. She didn't want to be here, and at that moment I don't know what feeling overcame my body.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"How is everything? Is school alright?"  
  
She shook her head lightly, lips pressed tight.  
  
"How is living with your mother? Everything okay over there?"  
  
A small tear slid down her cheek and I almost went to wipe it away, had the glass separating us not been there.  
  
"I miss Aunt Isabel and Uncle Farlan. And.." she lowered her head, "you."  
  
"I miss you too. Don't worry baby, I'll be out soon -"  
  
"Mommy says you'll always be a criminal. Always on the run." She glances up, more tears gather in her eyes and I feel them stinging in my own. "Is that true, Daddy?"  
  
I was speechless; mouth open trying to find the words to promise her it was false.  
  
Her mother grabbed the phone from her hand, gripping it tight as she said with no waver, "She is staying with me. You are not to see her anymore."  
  
And she dropped the phone, taking her in her arms and getting ready to storm off.  
  
I called out into the phone, asking for (Name), asking for an explanation, _promising_ change. But she heard none of it. My cries became desperate, and I threw the phone at the glass, a small crack forming towards the middle.  
  
I screamed out every name I could, anything to make her turn around and let me see my child; Whore, bitch, hound. Erwin's group held onto my arms and I couldn't stop trying to pry my way back.  
  
My daughter's last image of me was a sobbing mess, pissed off to a whole new level and being carried away by policemen.  
  
For all I could care my last days could be spent in this damn cell. Let me rot just like all the lives I never saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired and based on the movie Blow.


	22. Was Einmal War | Eren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Eren / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts
> 
> Other: Italics are the Reader's thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was Einmal War - (German) What Once Was

_It always leaves you wondering if you were at fault._  
  
  
"Eren."  
  
Her voice was a stern whisper. The world was quiet outside that room they shared, but the added silence in their own space left them deaf.  
  
"Hn."  
  
His voice was so strained, even through the simple hum. The young woman lay on her side, Eren on his back behind her back. His eyes, that she would always compare to the brightest diamonds, were dull now; dark bags shaded under his eyes. They almost looked heavy.  
  
"What's on your mind?"  
  
His eyes remain captured by the ceiling. His lips were parted slightly, chapped and pale.  
  
He was nothing like Eren.  
  
  
 _How are you supposed to break into someone's thoughts and take away their pain?  
_

_You can't._

  
  
  
(Name) shifted gently, turning her head over her shoulder to glance at her roommate. Her partner, best friend, lover.  
  
He didn't so much as blink.  
  
Worry clouded her own (e/c) orbs.   
  
"You're thinking about the Titans again."  
  
His face curled in discomfort. Her body moved closer to his, her arms slinging themselves over his chest and her legs latching onto his. She sighed into his cotton shirt, her fingers clutching at the material.  
  
It felt like hugging a corpse. His body wasn't tense, but relaxed; so relaxed to where she knew he was numb to everything.  
  
His chin was tilted up, away from her and he remained still.  
  
Except his now weak arm edging slowly to hang limp over her side. He couldn't bare holding her in any way closer, his fears of not being able to let go haunting him.  
  
"I-" his voice was raspy, shredded from agony, "I need to let you go. I'm a monster."  
  
Her chin rested on his chest and she lifted a gentle finger to stroke his cheek.  
  
"You're not. The titans are gone, and you are a hero. You saved us all."  
  
"No," his voice seemed to get louder and louder in his own ears, causing him to shut his eyes tight, as if he could block himself out.   
"I'm a murderer. I hurt them, and I'm only going to hurt you."  
  
  
 _Man's toughest battle is with himself._  
  
  
"I've always said I was going to kill the titans," he grit his teeth, "but I'm still  _here_."  
  
"Eren, please -"  
  
"I can just go. The nape of the neck, just like a titan should be..i-it's..."  
  
Her eyes widen and she grips his shirt, glancing up. His eyes refuse to meet hers, and his voice broke out of his mumbling, "I need to go."  
  
Eren pushed her up and swung his legs over the side of the bed wearily.  
  
(Name) kept her eyes downcast, leaning on her palms and keeping her mouth shut to the best of her abilities. He hadn't slipped shoes or a jacket on before he forced himself to hobble out the door without another look over his shoulder at his girlfriend.  
  
She couldn't make herself settle back down into bed, and she couldn't get up. There was no way to save him, he was going to suffer from the pain and there isn't any way a puny bug could crawl in and change anything.  
  
He felt nothing while she had felt everything.   
  
  
 _I couldn't save him from the bullets if I tried._  
  



	23. Parfum | Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Erwin / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff, Drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

_I'll never tell,  
_

 

* * *

  
  
  
Her fingers delicately wove themselves through his. Each digit worn and weak, yet still matched his neat and composed look.  
  
  
His chest still rose lightly, his muscles not stiff, but still. The only thing keeping the buzz of the silence away was his quiet, quiet breaths.   
  
  
(E/c) eyes scanned him thoroughly, starting at his blonde lashes, following the skin along his cheek down to his perfectly sculpted neck and collar.   
  
  
It was hard to find mornings as peaceful. The Corps hadn't awaken to train yet, nor the world outside the headquarters.   
  
  
Light wisps of hair curled over his brows, free to roam his face, just as her fingers had every morning before. And she brought them up again, grazing each patch of scarred, but still smooth skin.   
  
  
The tips of her fingers tickled his face, and she smiled, a bit solemnly, knowing once he was up, he would be up until he next went to sleep. Erwin's arms stretched above his head, lightly to not rattle them too much. He must have thought she was still asleep.  
  
  
The girl shut her eyes and curled her arms under her chin while the Commander looked over his shoulder and into the bright sun streaks painting the room. A sigh rumbled in his chest, and he began to move the crumpled sheets from his legs.  
  
  
(Name) swung her arms gently over his torso, and held him tight with her cheek resting on his bare shoulder.  
  
  
"You're awake," he said, quiet as a whisper.  
  
  
She nodded against his side, hands lightly tugging him even closer. Hopefully they'd become one if she kept him here forever; if she just kept holding on.  
  
  
"Come," he grunted, patting her forearm, "It's about time we got up, showered."  
  
  
"Can't we just lay here a while longer?"  
  
  
Erwin stopped before he could slip away, her hands still pulling him towards her. He turned back, kissing her cheek longingly, his lips barely touching. Sleep still lingered on his face, his lips upturned lazily and his eyes fighting the urge to close. His hair was tousled and his cheeks were a rosy pink.  
  
  
"Please?"  
  
  
His lips widened and he lowered himself back onto the mattress. Immediately, her arms were back around him like vines, and her head leaning on his chest, finding peace in listening to his steady heart.  
  
  
She hoped she would be able to somehow imprint the sound into her memory and listen to it as if it were music forever.  
  
  
His eyes closed and he inhaled her scent, the beauty in (f/scent) overwhelming. He hoped he would be able to recognize the same scent with his last moments on the battle field.  
  
  
"I don't want you to die, Erwin."  
  
  
He sighed, "I wouldn't like to either."  
  
  
She laughed, but it sounded shaky with a threat of tears.  
  
  
"Please, just," she took a deep breath, "live."  
  
  
"Always, with you."  
  
  


* * *

  


_  
but I hope she smells my perfume._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Perfume by Sia


	24. Higher Love | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Slight Fluff & Angst  
> Warnings: N/A
> 
> Other: Slight Modern!AU

<> <> <> <> <> <>

 

"How about (1st ♂ / Name)?" She whispered into the deep darkness. Her eyes were closed, her chest lightly rising with each breath and her hand resting gently on top of her plump tummy, blooming with a life only six months present. Her fingers gingerly rubbed over the surface, finger tips connecting with soft kicks.

It was almost four in the morning, but (Name) knew Levi wouldn't be asleep. It was strange; whenever she was awake, he was too. Almost as if the two were one. He shifted onto his back, and she onto her side, eyes focused solely on him. They ran through his tasseled black hair like her fingers would, and down his perfect jawline, marking every scar and scratch carved deep into his pale skin.

Her stomach jutted out, and Levi carefully covered it with his left palm, thumb gently rubbing at the skin.

"I thought you wanted (2nd ♂ / Name)?" He noted, a mocking tone dripping from his tongue. She drew her lips together in a smirk, almost tasting the bittersweet words herself. She smiled wholeheartedly, suddenly unable to keep a straight face.

Levi's head turned then, admiring the beautiful pink tinge in her cheeks and the creases around her eyes when she smiled. Not a day had she aged since they first met.

"Well I have many ideas for what to name him. Haven't you thought of any name yourself? We can't call him brat."

His lips were drawn up for a second to scoff, "Any name you come up with is a name I'd consider."

"Consider..." she pondered, inching closer to him until her lips were on his neck and her hand on his chest lovingly. "But would you _like_ the name? Or just consider?"

"Alright," he sighed, tilting his head to meet her (e/c) eyes, "(1st ♂ / Name) sounds fitting."

(Name) smiled and nuzzled into the junction between his shoulder and his neck, breathing in his scent.

 

<> <> <> <> <>

 

Her hand was clenched around the broken mug, blood dripping from the creases in her fingers. Her teeth were clasped on so tightly to her lip, there was a spot of the metallic red atop the pink as well.

His mind was cluttered; the wailing emitting from upstairs helped none, yet neither went to tend to it. His work shoes were still on, and the usual cramping in his feet had seemingly went away from the tensity in his chest and his head.

"I can't just say no, (Name)."

"You have a _family_ now, Levi," she argued through grit teeth.

Every fire she sent to her defense made his hands twitch, specifically the finger wrapped with a gold band, almost identical to the one on hers.

"You want me to argue with the president, (Name)? It's a draft. There's nothing I can do. You want to see the letter? Here."

He tossed the torn envelope with the document onto the table beside her and she glanced down at it for a second and back to him.

"Levi -"

"It's no surprise they drew my ticket for a war. I have military experience."

"So do many other men!" Her throat closed on her and she took her free hand and combed it roughly through her knotted hair, eyes bulging with tears. "Please Levi, you can't go. They can't make you go."

She stepped forward, fingers releasing pieces of the ceramic mug onto the tile floor, and he watched each piece break into even smaller pieces. Her hands shakily reached for him and he stepped back, a flame resurfacing in his eyes.

"Are you an idiot? Wake up. I'm doing this to protect you."

"You're doing this because they are making you!"

"You need to tend to your child."

Levi slammed the door on his way out.

 

<> <> <> <>

 

"Mama."

"What is it, (♂ / Name)?"

"What is Papa like?"

(Name) sighed, resting her elbows on the tub's rim.

"You know Papa."

"Only a little."

God, how she didn't want to have this conversation. She wished she could have stopped Levi, she wished she could have stopped him from leaving after every argument, and she wished she could have treated everything better. She felt guilty every night for thinking Levi was leaving for himself. She felt numb every morning for knowing every moment spent together when he returned home was thrown away from her constant bothersome attitude and his morose personality.

"When is he coming back?"

(Name) lathered in her hands the boy's shampoo, gently smoothing it into his scalp. He played with his toy tank, the plastic soldiers. He played in battle while his father fought. What an innocent view on the world the five year old must have had. How much she envied him.

"I - I don't really know, love."

Her hands acted almost on instinct, clapping her palms over his soft black tresses and towering the bubbles up on his head, creating a silly look that always made the boy giggle. Bath time was the only time (Name) enjoyed more than (♂ / Name). Every care, every word and every trouble melting away, and she could drift off into a dream.

A dream where Levi was never called to fight. A dream where they still held each other close when they had the chance.

 

<> <> <>

 

(♂ / Name)'s hands peeled at the poster's creases, uncurling the project in front of his class. The teacher asked the class to write about their chosen parent's career, and of course, the boy would write about his personal superhero. (Name) smiled when he announced he would get to give a speech about his father to his class.

While (♂ / Name) spoke of Levi at school, (Name) sat at her husband's desk at home, trying to relish in the scent of his work space. She grabbed a pen from a nearby canister, and a stray piece of scrap paper.

On it she scribbled for hours. What would her son write to him? All of her wanted the letter to be about (♂ / Name). His happiness could fuel (Name) on for days at a time, pull her from the deepest holes. Who knows how much it would help Levi in the midst of war. She imagined her son spurring Levi on; leading to the end of the war, a happy end.

Levi hadn't sent letters in what felt like a century. Would he even reply to this one? Would he even receive it?

 _Maybe...maybe_.

She just had to keep hoping, praying. Her hands folded over her lips and a lone tear sprung from her eye just as she had began to believe she cried herself dry of all emotion at all.

She picked up the pen again, dragging the tip to the margin line, where her tear had left a wet spot. Mind blank of anything, she curled the pen lightly, ink faded: _I love you._

 

<> <>

 

(♂ / Name) dropped his bags on the floor in front of the door once he got home. His jacket was half-zipped and his shoe laces were undone. His hair was ruffled and wet from the rain.

He didn't bother to remove his sopping wet shoes as they plopped against the hard wood floors.

Water trailed from the door up the steps and to his mother's bedroom door, where she lay sick just beyond the barrier.

It was unclear to him whether or not she fell sick from depression or not eating or some other unknown cause, but he was fourteen now. It was his first year of high school.

He pressed his ear to the door, listening for her uneven breathing. It was steadier than usual, she must be sleeping.

He slowly cracked open the door and looked upon her figure. The room was still and almost suffocating, and her face looked sunken and deathly. His eyes spanned from her bed to her nightstand, where a single paper and pen rested.

(♂ / Name) walked on his toes as to not make a sound. He didn't want to risk waking her when she had gotten barely any sleep the night before.

He moved the pen aside to read the cursive ink: _Levi._

Steady fingers curled around the edge of the paper, flicking it up and scanning the contents inside.

Nothing was written.

He looked back up to his mother and back down to the paper, before pinching it between his fingers and slowly making way to his room, shutting the door with a quiet click.

 

<>

 

A sleek black car pulled up against the curb, windows tinted. (♂ / Name) watched from behind a curtain through the home's window, eyes watching the man intently as he walked up the sidewalk towards the Ackerman house.

One digit landed on the doorbell and the boy - now at a late age of seventeen - stumbled over his feet to reach the door. His hair was in a manner in which was alike to his mother's, but was similar to his father's darker color.

He discarded the fact that he only wore a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt he had slept in as well as the look of absolute destruction that had befallen his head of hair, as he opened the door to a man whom had sported no hair at all, and wore a crisp black suit and tie. His hands were folded neatly in front of him, but face wasn't sincere; it was almost proud, or at least happy.

"Mrs. Ackerman, is she present?"

(♂ / Name) shook his head, shoving aside the thought of his mother's curiosity from her position in her bed.

"Hmph," the man sniffed from behind a scruffy white mustache, and he held out a sealed envelope, Ackerman written in cursive along the unsoiled surface. "Well, I hope she is able to read this as soon as possible, and my deepest apologies to the family."

(♂ / Name) felt winded, gripping the letter in his hands so tight it creased down the middle. His eyes clouded and he blinked away whatever hadn't flowed down his cheeks. The man started his way back to the car before turning with a sad smile to the boy still frozen in the doorway.

"And (♂ / Name), is it?" he asked, alarming the boy at the knowledge of his name. He held up his hand and continued as to ease him, "Your father spoke much about you. I'm sure his title as the strongest soldier we've ever seen will do you and your mother proud."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Higher Love by Lilly and Steven Winwood


	25. Reprisal | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Slight Angst, Drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

The great deal of losses that had weighed heavily over Levi's shoulders like the cape he wore proudly for humanity. And it was he, who knelt on the piles of debris, a path torn through the town not so much striving with the life it had hours ago.  
  
The knees of his uniform were soaked and shredded with blood.   
  
Humanity had fallen. Fallen far; hopelessly far.  
  
What was for the war against the titans if not for the dream of being happy, safe with whom you love?  
  
There was a static ringing in his ears and his eyes flicked from each dismembered corpse, scanning which faces were recognizable.  
  
His blades rested on either side of him, his hands numb and limp.   
  
  
She would never fall so easily. His manic breathing calmed.  
  
She wasn't a fighter.  
  
No.  
  
She didn't belong on the battlefield. She wasn't supposed to shed blood over her comrades.  
  
She's out there. And he swore upon himself that he'd protect her, always.   
  
His legs felt as if they were about to snap, the weight of the gear resting on the soldier's hips suddenly pulling him down.  
  
Levi leaned against the blade, his palm wrapped tightly around the handle and pushing it into the dirt.   
  
How he  _cursed_  himself for falling for her. For ever uttering the word  _love_  for anyone. Love had only ever gave him loss.   
  
But somewhere, he knew, somewhere he would still find her fighting. She won't ever go down without a fight.  
  
  
The ground started to shake and it took all Levi had not to fall down again. He glanced up, glaring up above each collapsed house.  
  
  
  
"Levi."  
  
  
He gasped and turned, stumbling across rocks before gaining his balance again.  
  
The world was quiet around him.   
  
The shadow of the monster plaguing their lives, towered over the ruins, silently, lifting a fist towards its face.   
  
  
His feet began to move on their own, his mind racing with jumbled thoughts.  
  
Images of the innocent, the slaughtered racing through his head. Farlan. Isabel. Petra. Eld. Erwin. Hanji. Mike.   
  
  
All gone. And for what?  
  
  
His body lurched at odd angles, before his fingers finally clutched onto the trigger of his gear and he was launched upwards, the remaining gas starting to drain.  
  
Blades were drawn, dull and bloodied.   
  
There she was, still just as beautiful as the day he told her he loved her. Just as beautiful as she was before they began the war.  
  
  
He promised her he would protect her. And she promised him she wouldn't need to be protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Carver by Anadel


	26. To The One Who Loves Her Next | Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Jean / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff & Slight Angst  
> Warnings: Language

_To the one who loves her next,_

__ **I.** _  
She's terrified of spiders.  
So when you're out late with friends and she texts you freaking out because there's one on her window,  
please go kill it.   
She won't sleep otherwise._

  
  
"Are you kidding? That's like your sixth drink!"   
  
"Oh, don't start, Marco. You sound like my mother!"  
  
"Hey Jean! Help us out, will you? Reiner is going to drink himself crazy!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. One second, Marco," Jean waved off his friend, stepping away from the table, phone in hand. He stepped out of the building, the quiet of the street interrupted by the music of the bar. He turned on his phone, cursing at the bright screen.   
  
 _Missed Call._  
  
He sighed and raked his fingers through his light hair, putting the phone up to his ear. The phone rang twice before she picked it up.  
  
"Jean?"  
  
"(Name)? What's going on?"  
  
"Oh - um -" There was a smack sound.  
  
"What the hell was that?"   
  
"Well uh - I'm just - There -" She sighed into the phone. "Can you - Um, come home for a second?"  
  
"What? What happened?"  
  
Jean sat on the curb a little ways from the club's entrance and blocked out the noise of traffic and music with his palm over his ear. He waited, nervously tapping his index finger against his phone.  
  
"Well, there's a...spider."  
  
"What?"  
  
"There's a big spider and it -"  
  
"No, I heard you. You want me to drive home, kill a spider for you, and drive back here? Are you serious? Just kill it."  
  
"No, I  _really_  can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"B-Because! It's a spider! A-And it's  _huge_! I can't kill it!"  
  
Jean felt his blood boil and he sighed out of his nose, rubbing the bridge of his nose.   
  
"(Name). Just get a shoe and smash the damn thing."  
  
"Jean -"  
  
"Y'know what? Just leave it and I'll kill it when I get home. I'll be driving back in an hour. I'm not driving home just to kill a fucking spider."  
  


**II.** _  
She is a total textbook introvert.  
She won't reply for hours and sometimes you won't see her for a week.  
You will take this personally. Don't.  
She's simply taking care of herself and she'll tell you how much she missed you while she was away._

  
  
_Is she fucking serious?_  
  
Jean scrolled through the many texts he sent her during the last two days, all without a single reply.   
  
"She went to her parents' house two days ago and hasn't texted me since. Is this her silent treatment for not killing that damn spider the other night?" He growled, tossing the phone onto the couch cushion next to his best friend. Marco picked up the phone and looked through the messages, shutting the phone off when he was done.  
  
"Maybe she just needs some alone time?"  
  
Jean paused mid-step and folded his hands into fists, "So she's breaking up with me?"  
  
"Jean, don't be dramatic. I'm not saying she's leaving you, but maybe she needs time to think about things. Any thing."  
  
He groaned and threw his head back on his shoulders.  
  
"Have you tried calling her?"  
  
"Yes! She never answered!"  
  
"Maybe her phone died."  
  
Jean scoffed.  
  
Headlights glared through the window and swerved into the driveway, and Jean's face immediately scrunched once he heard her car's shitty engine cough and sputter.   
  
He stomped to the door, fingers quickly making work of the lock and throwing the door open.   
  
Marco placed Jean's phone on the table. His shoulders slouched listening to Jean's booming voice demanding an explanation.   
  


**III.** _  
She'll get very jealous.  
My god, she gets so jealous. Those brown eyes will turn a deep green.  
She hates that about herself, and she doesn't mean to do it.  
Remember, she loves you.  
Reassure her you love her too._

_On that topic,  
she needs constant reassurance.  
Tell her you love her and mean it.  
If you can't do that, leave.  
She deserves more than that._

  
  
"Okay, so maybe this party was a bad idea," (Name) whispered to herself. She sat in a circle of girls too busy talking about their firsts and bests with relationships to hear her, and perhaps even notice her. The conversation was pointless; she found herself more or less wondering why she was at the party rather than why she was just sitting with them.   
  
"(Name)? You alright? You're pretty quiet!" Sasha smiled and took a seat on the overly crowded couch. The idea that no one else was bothered by having someone sit in their lap boggled (Name) completely.   
  
"Yeah, I'm okay. How are you doing?"  
  
Sasha shrugged and laughed. She looked around curiously, and not having found what she was looking for, she looked back down at (Name).  
  
"Hey, where's Jean?"  
  
"He's...somewhere. Probably with the guys."  
  
The wave of girls behind the two shifted and Sasha and (Name) flinched. They shared a look and smiled, both standing and stepping away to get air.  
  
Again, it left her completely lost, wondering how they got by with such little space.  
  
"Phew!" Sasha laughed, "How about we look for Jean, eh? I haven't seen Horseface in so long!"  
  
(Name) stifled a laugh at his nickname. He hated the name regardless, but if he had known she was laughing at a comment Eren Jaeger made...she'd be in for it.  
  
"I think he might be over there," Sasha said, pointing to the group of guys laughing near the kitchen.   
  
They made their way over, but stopped halfway when (Name) noticed he wasn't in the crowd, but on the side, talking with a girl. Focusing hard through all the people, she recognized her as a girl she had gone to school with, but couldn't remember her name.   
  
(Name) waved off Sasha and shoved her way over to them, her eyes narrowing once she stood by his side.   
  
"There you are Jean. I was looking for you," She said, eyeing the black-haired beauty.  _Of course he was talking to her...she's beautiful._  
  
He seemed to ignore her and the girl's lips twitched as if she were going to smile, but she turned around and left.   
  
He called out to catch her again, but to no avail.  
  
He clicked his tongue, "Weren't you with your friends?"  
  
She was taken aback, glaring up at him apathetically, "Weren't you with yours?"  
  
He rolled his eyes.   
  
"Stop being like that, (Name). She was an old friend. I was just catching up."  
  
"Fine," she sighed. "How about we go and find Marco then?"  
  
"(Name), stop being so jealous. You're my girlfriend, alright?"  
  
She sucked her lips into a straight line, ashamed to be caught.   
  
"If I'm your girlfriend that means you can't flirt with other girls."  
  
" _Flirt_? I wasn't flirting with her. I told you, she was an old friend!"  
  
(Name)'s eyes scanned the carpet and she held her head down.   
  
"Whatever Jean."  
  


**IV.** _  
There will be nights where she goes out and drinks a little too much.  
She'll call you to bring her home.  
When you do, she'll try to keep you up all night by tickling you and repeating,  
"I love you and I'm sorry I'm annoying."  
She's not annoying.  
Make sure she has plenty of water and don't let her pass out until she drinks it,  
or she will be miserable in the morning._

  
  
Jean's brow twitched as he filled a plastic cup with water. First, he's her cab driver and now he's her servant. But he knew if he didn't get her water, she'd just fuss all the next morning.  
  
With that thought in his mind, he looked to the clock. It was almost one in the morning.   
  
Jean trudged to their room and held the cup in front of her face, with the simple command, "Drink."  
  
She took the cup and downed the water, placing it on the nightstand.  
  
He climbed back under the covers where he had been before he drove to get her an hour ago, drinking with her friends at Sasha's house. He dramatically flicked the blanket over his head and faced away from her to prove a point. A useless point.  
  
(Name) turned to her boyfriend and smiled, pressing her cold palm against his back. It was still cold and wet from the condensation on the cup.  
  
Her hand print soaked through the thin fabric of his tank top and his back arched. He looked over his shoulder and watched her smile and wiggle her fingers towards his sides, where she knew he was ticklish.  
  
He scooted towards the end of the bed, telling her to go to sleep, but she sighed dramatically and looked around. (E/C) eyes looked at the ceiling, out the window and at the wall for some support.  
  
Eventually, she searched for love and support in her boyfriend instead, who's back still faced her.  
  
"Jean."  
  
"What?" His tone was annoyed, of course.  
  
"I'm sorry for making you drive me home."  
  
He didn't respond.  
  
"And I'm sorry I'm annoying you all the time."  
  
He closed his eyes and pulled the blanket closer to his chin.  
  
"I love you."  
  


**V.** _  
She is the most independent woman I know.  
But she's so insecure, it still breaks my heart.  
So when she starts an argument with "You don't love me,"  
don't get upset.  
Remind her you do and the reasons why.  
She'll come around._

  
  
"Stop being dramatic, Jean! She just wants to come over for dinner!"  
  
"She is fully capable of making herself dinner in her own home. If she comes over here I'm going to Marco's for the night."  
  
"She's your mother, Jean!"  
  
"Yeah, which means I know exactly what she'd work into every conversation. 'Oh Jean, why don't you invite me over more? I love (Name)! Jean! Why do you have to be such a trouble maker! Jean! Jean!'"  
  
"She loves you! She just wants to see her only son. Can't you give her that satisfaction?"  
  
"I moved out for a reason. I have you to nag at me, I don't want her to nag me too."  
  
"Jean, you never want her over. You don't even want to go over to her house with me."  
  
"Because the next thing I want is for you two to devise a plan against me or some shit."  
  
"What does that even mean, Jean?"  
  
Jean groaned and grabbed his keys from off the table.  
  
"I'm going to Marco's. Have her over, I don't care."  
  
(Name) bit her tongue before asking a question that's been on her mind, "Jean, do you not want her to meet me?"  
  
"Oh come on, (Name), don't start with this."  
  


**VI.** _  
Make her tea and remember the way she takes her coffee.  
She will notice._

  
  
(Name) sunk into a chair, head hitting the back of it audibly. Her hair was knotted and her eyes were closed. She looked miserable.   
  
Jean entered the kitchen after her, eyeing her state. She needed her coffee.  
  
He grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and made his own coffee first.   
  
When it came to hers, his cheeks flared and he mentally slapped himself.  
  
How could he forget how she took her coffee?  
  
"Uh, hey (Name)?"   
  
She hummed back.  
  
He let out a nervous laugh and scratched at his forehead, keeping his back to her, "How...how do you take your coffee again?"  
  
He hears the chair squeak against the tiles and feels her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You forgot how I take my coffee?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She laughed, "Don't worry about it Jean. I got it."  
  
 _What a relief._  
  
"But I'm not making you coffee anymore."  
  


**VII.** _  
When she's having an anxiety attack, wrap her up in your arms and rub her back.  
Tell her she's safe and remind her that she had medication if she needs it._

  
  
Jean woke up to her muffled coughing. He felt around the bed for her by instinct, but he knew she wasn't in the room. He propped himself up on his elbows and turned his head to the door.   
  
It was left ajar, and a small stripe of light stretched across the floor.   
  
Whipping the covers off his body, he stretched his arms above his head and stood up. He almost fell to one side clumsily, but balanced himself and reached for the door, opening it wider and looking to the light source across the hall.  
  
(Name)'s coughing got louder as he approached the bathroom door, but it morphed into...crying?  
  
He picked up his pace and pulled the door's handle down. But it didn't budge. She locked the door.  
  
"(Name)?" His voice was quieted from grogginess of sleep.  
  
Her crying ceased completely.  
  
"Y-Yes?"  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
She paused before quickly saying, "Um, I'm okay Jean. Sorry for waking you."  
  
"Bullshit," he scowled, "Let me in, (Name)."  
  
She knew arguing with him wouldn't help her cause and opened the door, revealing her tear streaked face looking up at him from the floor.   
  
She actually looked pitiful.  
  
He knelt down beside her and grasped her hand gently.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I just - I -"  
  
Her hands were shaking and more tears fell to her chin, clutching at his heart strings tightly.  
  
"I'm here, alright? Don't just sit through this. If I'm sleeping,  _wake_  me. If I'm out,  _call_  me."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Stop apologizing," he whispered, "Come on. Let's go make pancakes or something."  
  


**VIII.** _  
If you cannot treat her like royalty, let someone else.  
That girl deserves the world._

  
  
The last few weeks have been..questionable for their relationship.  
  
(Name) had been thinking all day. Thinking of a subtle way to bring this up to Jean. Maybe fix what's going on between them.   
  


**IX.** _  
Losing her is a pain you'll never shake.  
Your world will come crashing down on you and those pieces won't ever fit the way they used to.  
Don't let her go._

  
  
"Jean, maybe this just isn't working."  
  
"What do you mean this isn't working? What am I doing wrong?" His shouting only made the crack in his voice painfully obvious.  
  
"I don't think we are right for each other. We are always arguing, always ticked with each other. That's not healthy."  
  
"We have been like this for years! (Name), you can't just end this - us - over stupid little disagreements that don't  _mean_  anything!"  
  
"I am. Jean, all I do is mess things up for you, make you mad, annoy you. I'm trying to help you out here."  
  
And she left with her bags.  
  
"This won't help me!" He cried to the closed door.  
  


**X.** _  
She will love you with all she's got.  
Please give her the same.  
I am begging you not to hurt her. She is golden.  
Don't let that shine die out._

_Give her your all and she'll return the favor.  
You will never have to ask the universe for anything ever again._

__

 

_Sincerely,  
A name you'll hear in passing.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired and based on tumblr poem To The One Who Loves Her Next by flashoflife on tumblr


	27. Upon Return | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: ...drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

"Oh hold on a  _second_ , would you?"  
  
(Name) grumbled under her breath, her right arm stretching above her head in a quick attempt to throw a quilt over her bare torso. Her bare soles met the concrete floor with a smack, the cold dancing up her legs as she practically skipped towards the door.   
  
The bothersome rapping on the door continued, causing her to groan and mutter under her breath whilst adjusting the quilt to conceal her middle, and with her free hand she flicked her dirtied (h/c) locks behind her shoulder.  
  
"Alright, I'm coming!"  
  
  
Knuckles white around the brass handle of the door, she yanked it open, ready to damn well punch the sucker who'd waken her this late in the afternoon.  
  
"What's the big idea -"  
  
Her eyes made a quick run down on his neat figure, much unlike how he left, yet very much like  _him_. God, how upset she had been when he had left. How, betrayed, she had felt when he left without a word, nor a sign.   
  
Months to years spent keeping the place just the way he wanted as if she expected him to come home. Of course she did at first. But after so long?  
  
And here he stood, towering not a centimeter higher than her, adorned in jade green no lady could hope to dress in here in the city. In this dirty city where there was no light, no hope, no soldiers to save the wandering ghosts here in the Underground.  
  
He'd always loathed the soldiers, he said so many times straight to her face. Talking trash upon their titles, their uniforms, their ability to shut out those below them.  
  
So how was it, that he dare step foot on the stoop once belonging to them both?   
  
(Name)'s face grew red under the speckles of dirt and faded freckles.   
  
" _You!_ "  
  
His face remained the same as he stepped inside the dwelling and quietly closed the door behind him. She hadn't turned away, only stepped back enough to take in his whole figure. Why hadn't he said anything? Why was he  _still_  not saying anything?   
  
"Have you nothing to say?" Her mouth felt dry with anger.  
  
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you so late into the night. You've never been a polite woman to wake."  
  
He yanked the button loose on his uniform cape and slung it over a wooden chair nearest to the door.   
  
His eyes had yet to meet her own and for that she grew more furious, a deep fire in her chest for some kind of answer as to why he was here, after so long.  
  
Her hand balled and she threw it towards his back, a low thump sounding in return. He looked well-fed, and it's no surprise he was trained and now looked as if he had never rotted in the Underground at all.  
  
Another fist flew in his direction, this time landing on his left shoulder. Her quilt slid off her shoulder, revealing some of the sickly skin underneath.  
  
"You left! You left, without a word. Not from you, or Farlan or Isabel!" She hit him again.  
  
"You come back,  _years_  later, again without a word!" Another blow.  
  
"Are you mad? Have you arrived to mock me, just another ghost come to show me I've lost it all again?" Tears bubbled in her eyes, but she screwed them shut and threw another tight fist at his back.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said lowly, between her punches.  
  
"Sorry? You don't get to be sorry! Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you left me! You left me here to rot and starve and -"  
  
Levi turned around and caught the next fist sent flying, at a slower rate than originally. This only seemed to anger her more, as she growled and sent her opposite hand at his chest.  
  
"Why did you leave?" Her voice cracked; she no longer yelled and her lip nearly turned upwards to give off a snarl.  
  
"We can talk about it another time, and you can get pissy another time. Right now, I'm here and I want to make it up to you."  
  
Her hands dropped from his loosened fingers and she pulled the quilt tighter around her.   
  
With a sniffle, she stepped back.   
  
"That's a foolish statement. How could you possibly make it up?"  
  
Levi looked around at the place. It was kept tidy enough, but her efforts became fruitless over time.  
  
He sighed, "Get your things together, (Name). Go."   
  
He made a shooing motion with his hand. She was baffled.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
She bit her bottom lip, "And if I do, you'll tell me why you left?"  
  
"Once you get your shit together, I'll tell you why I left, and why I'm not leaving again."


	28. Since Before | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Angst, Horror  
> Warnings: Violence, Gore, Language, Death
> 
> Other: Apocalypse!AU; Italics are the past

_If he is not the word of God,_

 

 

* * *

  
  
  
I can't remember what the world was like before anymore.   
  
It's so natural - finding ways to survive - that I almost forget that we ever truly lived before.  
  
We have been traveling endlessly, only stopping to rest up and move again.   
  
  
 _"We can never stop," he said, hands tossing empty cans around the small shack. The walls were rotting, the wood splitting and the windows so dusted over there was no possible way to see out of them. "Stopping gets us caught. Caught gets us killed."  
  
"Levi," I said softly, stepping closer to him cautiously, my fingers occupied with trying to claw the matted dirt from under my fingernails.   
  
He used to be so composed. You'd think he had no faults at all, never stumbling over words or tripping over his own feet. The panic shaking through his fingers and clouding his eyes was almost terrifying...if that was a good way of even describing it anymore. Everything is so terrifying - the word has nearly lost its meaning.  
  
"We _can't _stop, (Name)." Levi's hands stilled and his eyes met mine, red rimmed and wide. "We can't stop until we reach the coast."  
  
I let my eyes drop to the floor, my chin tucking under my heavy scarf, blackened by ash and smoke.   
  
Levi continued to ravage old possessions with quick hands, and I tried to ignore the crack of glass in the frame that was thrown carelessly to the floor. I tried to ignore the thought of what happened to the family in the portrait. I tried to ignore the empty sense of humanity in our hearts._  
  
  
Earthquakes are frequent. The charred trees fall one after the other each time. There's a 'quake every few hours, but I might be off since time has escaped me since we left our apartment in the city we called home before the war.  
  
I don't know when the day ends or begins anymore, the sky swallowed in a grey and brown cloudy haze every time I find myself looking up.  
  
I never realized how much I miss the stars. I miss the black night sky more than ever. Anything other than this plain brown that now shades everything.  
  
  
  
Levi and I fight a lot more than we had before. We  _need_  to stop, if not just to rest than for Levi to recover from the radiated dust settling in his lungs. He's developed a hacking cough and he runs out of breath every few steps. He's only twenty nine.   
  
It pains me so much to look at him. Although the only chance I have to do so is when he sleeps next to me on the dirt ground of whatever cave-like place is nearby when we finally stop. His skin is much paler, and very dirty, something he would have despised before. His fingers are boney and scarred, and when I go to hold his hand, something I haven't done in  _so_  long, it's cold.   
  
His eyes are sunken and dull. There's no little spark of life in him at all anymore.   
  
I can't curse the world enough for taking the love of my life away.  
  
  
 _I put my brush down on a nearby three-legged table leaning against the wall next to my armchair. Trying to brush the dirt and blood from my once (h/c) hair was pointless now. I might as well cut it. Levi had wanted me to cut it to a reasonable length anyway. It's too easily grabbed.  
  
  
"Shit."  
  
I turned to face Levi, who had his back facing me. His muscle was defined through his worn black t-shirt, ripped along the collar and hem. He murmured under his breath again, this time unintelligible, leading me to turn halfway and see myself in the broken strip of mirror I had sitting against the wall.  
  
I wore the same winter jacket Levi bought me before, but instead of (color), it was now a brown and dull red, ripped enough to see the inside filling of the coat. My shoes are nothing but sole-less work boots with dirt scuffs and plastic bags wrapped around my feet and ankles like socks.   
  
Tears stung my eyes as I continued to evaluate myself, tilting my foot to the side to see the skinny figure of my leg.   
  
  
Levi's chair scrapped across the dusty wooden floor boards, and I turned around again to see him standing and holding a small .22 magnum pistol.   
  
"What are you doing?" It sounded like more of a statement than a question.  
  
Levi didn't respond, instead approaching me and placing his hand and gun in my own hand. The heaviness made me uncomfortable.  
  
"There's only one bullet left," he said, looking into my eyes, almost looking for something. He looked so hopeless. An emotion I swore Levi never fit the shoe of.  
  
I had a feeling. I've had the feeling for a long time. But I didn't want to have it confirmed. Not when we had fought all this way. Not when _he _fought all this way.  
  
"You can use it."  
  
"No, Levi."  
  
"(Name), I can't drag you through this anymore."  
  
"No." I know he didn't mean it.   
  
"It's easy, I'll be right here," he whispered, kneeling down beside my chair and taking the gun from my limp hand again. He held it to my temple, but his finger never touched the trigger.   
  
I couldn't tell if it was an act of cowardice or bravery. It could have been both.  
  
"No, Levi!" I gently shoved his hand and the gun away from my head, and away from him until he managed to place it on the ground next to his feet.  
  
I took a hold of his face with my cold hands and hesitantly lay my lips upon his forehead, as a mother would a child._  
  
  
  
I hated him sometimes. Sometimes I hated him because I felt he left me on my own. I hated him because he was stubborn.  
But I loved him because I was stubborn too.  
  
People are your greatest fear and your greatest desire when Judgement Day rains on you so suddenly.   
  
I felt so alone, even with Levi there beside me. And I felt so stupid, but so desperate to talk to someone, to have someone listen to me.  
  
  
 _"Wait, Levi."  
  
He walked a bit ahead of me, but not so far ahead he couldn't reach me need be. We walked the backroads, safest from raids and looters traveling in gangs for whoever they can find. People were just another resource. Whether it was comfort, protection or for food.  
  
I pointed to a two story house, alone on the side of the road. The front yard was overgrown with weeds, and rusty, busted down cars sat almost hidden amongst them. I hadn't been in a car since before. I'm sure I would have forgotten how to drive.  
  
"This house," I began, "Maybe there's something inside."  
  
"I don't think so," he sighed. I couldn't take that for an answer. Not when my stomach was about to eat itself whole.  
  
"Levi, we have to try. We ran out of food." I didn't wait for him to answer before I began marching up to the front porch and pushing the screen door open.  
  
  
I found myself in what appeared to be the living room first. The windows were boarded up with two-by-fours and the curtains were torn down and strewn on the floor. There were few things in the room, a couch and a coffee table, which were covered in empty whiskey bottles. I headed for the kitchen on the opposite end of the house, while Levi's feet clambered the stairs with creaky steps.  
  
It was clear the kitchen was ransacked just with one glance, but I was too damn stubborn. I tore open every drawer, every cabinet, just to find nothing.   
  
And then I found the trash bin aside the stained yellow walls of the kitchen. It lay on its side, a can labeled 'Peaches' spilled out, and I jumbled over my feet, crashing to my knees painfully. However I continued to crawl to the garbage, scooping the can up in both hands like it was a sacred gift. And in the moment, _god _it was.  
  
I forced my finger under the tab to tear the can open, but stopped, frozen.  
  
Carefully tilting the can towards myself, I examined the jagged metal edge. There was nothing inside.  
  
"No, no, no," I muttered to myself, hoping somehow it would reverse this and I'd find something inside that god damn can. But survivor's luck, there was not a single scrapping left of food.   
  
I stared for a moment in disbelief, before chucking the can across the room in frustration, about to let out a loud groan of dissatisfaction before a hand clamped over my mouth, and an arm secure around my shoulders.  
  
My legs kicked at the floor as I was tugged upwards into a strong body, my throat constricted and dry, not allowing me to scream for Levi.   
  
I was twirled around into a familiar black t-shirt. I couldn't say the smell is what brought me out of my panicked stupor, since nearly everything smelt like dirt, sweat and gunpowder.   
  
Relief washed over me in waves and I sighed against his hand that was still clamped tight over my mouth. I eyed him suspiciously, and in one sudden swoop, he pulled me towards the stairs and we both tripped over the holes in the wooden steps and carpet trying to reach the hallway above.  
  
"Levi!" I sighed, rubbing my mouth to get the feeling back in my lips once he released me. Levi said nothing. And it terrified me, although I'm sure saying so doesn't do justice.  
  
He pulled my forearm so my body crashed into his and into what once was a bathroom, but now looked like a slaughter house. Blood filled the bathtub, trailed the tiles and continued under the door, which Levi slammed shut immediately.  
  
"What are you doing?" I was on the verge of losing any composure I held.  
  
"We aren't alone."_  
  
  
Walking along the street now, you see bodies hanging from trees like decorations. It's not a shock anymore. It's not even a loss anymore.   
  
Everyone has thought about it now, even before.   
  
I still can't tell if it was a coward's doing or an act of bravery.  
  
There's no more food. Hasn't been much to begin with when the bombs first fell. All the trees are dying, if not dead already. There's no crops, no animals. Just people. And the need to survive grows stronger the closer you get to dying.  
  
  
 _My breath hitched in my throat. God. It was all my fault. I pushed us off track. I wanted to check the house. I should have known, should have followed my gut instinct when I knew there would be no food left anywhere.  
  
The screen door opened with a creek, multiple pairs of boots walked through the downstairs rooms, unsuspecting of the slightest.  
  
Then a voice broke out, a man's raspy voice.  
  
"Alright, put her here." There was a parade of glass breaking, bottles shattering, and then a woman's screams. Dreadful. Even through the wooden barrier I felt her pleads for mercy tear through my soul.  
  
I grabbed Levi's hand as he leaned towards the door, other hand outstretched to grab the door handle. I didn't say a word, fearing I'd be heard by the savages.  
  
Levi looked back and calmly nodded, turning back and slowly opening the door a crack to look down the stairs into the living room.  
  
The woman was still screaming, and I heard how the men struggled to grab at her, I heard another woman laughing and telling her fighting was useless. I heard the sound of a body slam onto a table.  
  
I watched Levi's face carefully, watching his eyes widen and his face go completely white, in time with the screech and butchering sounds from the downstairs crowd._  
  
  
We wanted to make it to the coast. Levi swore it was safer, that the ocean would be the final destination, where we could finally be at peace when the world collapses in on itself completely.  
  
He refused to see any other plan.  
  
  
Walking through the sand, seeing the debris and fallen trees washed up now.   
  
It looks as damaged as everywhere else. I wish we had stayed in the apartment. I wish we had stayed out of the house.  
  
  
  
 _Levi reached for the gun tucked into the back of his pants, pulling it out and holding it in his shaky hands. He closed and locked the door.  
  
"We can squeeze out of this window," I suggested in a whisper so low I could barely hear it.  
  
"No," Levi shook his head, "Too high a drop."  
  
"What other choice do we have?" Tears spilt from my eyes then.  
  
  
Levi pushed the gun into my hands, safety off.  
  
"No." I wouldn't change my mind.  
  
"This is the only option."  
  
I tried to think of something...anything but this.  
  
"No, there's only one bullet left, Levi."  
  
"I want you to have it."  
  
"No," I weeped quietly as I could. The screaming ceased. The smell of fresh blood seeped from under the door.  
  
"(Name). Look," Levi began, pulling my chin up with his fore finger and thumb, "It's okay."  
  
"No, no it's not! This shouldn't be the only other option!"  
  
We both stopped, the chopping and the talking and the laughter. All silent.  
  
"Levi?"   
  
  
Footsteps ascended the stairs, closer each second.  
  
  
Levi grabbed the gun, placing it on the sink and popped the window's latch. He looked back to the door a second, and then to me, lifting me by my waist so that I could reach the window. I squeezed through, one shoulder at a time, before eventually I only had one leg to get through.   
  
"Hey, this door's locked!" I stopped breathing, looking to Levi.  
  
"Levi, hurry!"   
  
He looked to my outstretched hand, and then to the door._  
  
  
We could have made it.  
  
  
 _Levi grabbed the gun. This time, finger on the trigger._  
  
I waved my hand, but she shoved it away, shooing me off.   
  
"Go, get out of sight before they can see you!"  
  
"What? I'm not leaving you here!"   
  
"It'll be fine just go! Get to the shore!"  
  
Dust rose from the door's hinges as it was hit and kicked.  
  
I looked into Levi's eyes for some kind of explanation. I only saw that he was confident, and not a coward, but brave. And there was no changing his mind.  
  
"I love you."  
  
He pushed me out onto the ledge before I could comprehend it, and by then I only knew to run.  
  
I jumped to the ground, landing on all fours before quickly taking off in a sprint.  
  
I heard the gunshot, but I didn't stop running.  
  
  
Before all of this. Before the running. Before the hunger. Before the danger, the cannibalism, the suicide; I thought Levi was the coward.  
  
I was the coward.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


_God never spoke.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on my all time favorite book (and movie) The Road, written by Cormac McCarthy


	29. Giving In | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff  
> Warnings: N/A

To have this type of commitment in a world such as this one was like death to Levi. To think of anything else; to have one's mind set on anything other than eliminating humanity's nemesis was considered foolish.   
  
What's the point of having something to cherish when it can be ripped from you in an instant?  
  
Losing his mother; losing friends; losing his last parental figure, his uncle. Who's to say the world wouldn't take her next?   
  
She was the complete opposite from anything he's seen out there in the faces of the soldiers he fights alongside. She carried hope for him. She fought alongside Levi, not on the battlefield, but in their own privacy. She fought his doubts and his fears. She was stronger than any soldier.  
  
Even after all losses, she mourned, and then she redressed.  
  
Her heart, her eyes, held infinite possibilities.   
  
  
  
His hands are robotic in their endeavor to finish the paperwork he received that evening. Each name he signs is just another painful reminder that humanity will always be knocked back before walking forward.  
  
His eyes were tired, dark circles hanging low underneath them. His eyes were dull, half lidded and staring almost lifelessly at the ink.  
  
Some of it smeared on his finger tips, something Levi would normally immediately lave himself of. He hadn't even noticed.  
  
"Let me help you."  
  
He became alert with the arrival of her voice, tearing his aching eyes away from the words. Her form was wrapped in night robes, something so innocent and seemly. He couldn't imagine her in the military uniform.  
  
Levi dismissed her comment with a solemn shake of his head, his chin dipping back down. She frowned, although he didn't notice. (Name) took slow steps across the wood floor of the office, which was joined to their quarters. She steadily sat herself down in the chair across from him, slowly scooting the chair closer until her knees hit the front of the desk.  
  
Her head dropped onto the palm of her hand as she set her elbow on her knee. Her (h/c) hair was waved down over her shoulders and Levi had to find the strength in him to not reach out and touch it.  
  
"Levi," she spoke again, "Love, let me do some of it." (Name) reached out both hands and grabbed a small stack of papers, but was stopped abruptly when Levi's own hand caught her wrist.   
  
"Go back to bed (Name)," he spoke, voice harsh and gravelly. He released her, her hands retreating. However, she hadn't moved. Her lips pursed and she sat back in the chair, pulling her shawl-like robe over her naked shoulders. She never worried about hiding herself from Levi, not one part of herself.  
  
"What about you?" She said with a worried smile, trying to reassure herself he would give in.   
  
He looked up at her from under his bangs, eyes void of emotion. He was exhausted.  
  
"When's the last time you had got a full night's rest?"  
  
Levi clicked his tongue, fingers rubbing at his temples.   
  
"I can handle it-"  
  
"Don't shrug it off, Levi." Her voice raised an octave higher, brittle with oncoming sadness. "There's enough threats out there. Dropping dead of sleep deprivation shouldn't be another."  
  
He sighed.  
  
"I know you want to work harder to get us our own place, but it isn't worth it if you won't be there with me."  
  
"(Name), damn it," he felt his whole person unravel, "Erwin won't let you linger about here forever. The sooner we have our own home, the better it will be for both of us." He just wanted her farther away from the outside. Away from the threat of a torturous death.  
  
She tilted her head to the side to avoid his gaze, and took a breath, "Maybe I should join the Scouts."  
  
His movements froze.  
  
"No."  
  
"Levi-"  
  
"You want me to stop working so hard? Sending you into the Scouts would only create more work." He can't fathom what he'd do if he found himself filling out  _her_  death paperwork.  
  
"Why won't you let anyone help you?"  
  
"(Name), enough."  
  
"Stop trying to be the hero all the time and just be  _you_. What do  _you_  want?"  
  
He wanted a future with her. He didn't want to have to worry about who he would lose next, and whether or not it would be her.  
  
"I  _miss_  you Levi. I don't care what's out there, I want to be with  _you_."  
  
And he gave in.


	30. Strain | Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Jean / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff, Drabble  
> Warnings: N/A

The last thing Jean remembered was hitting the ground.  
  
He found himself caught between the greedy fingers of a titan, the damn thing smiling at him as though to comfort him from his demise. His blades were dull, and trying to squirm out of the titan's grasp may ultimately lead to losing his leg - then how would he escape with his life?  
  
All movements and breath ceased in the moment between being lifted to the dirty beast's mouth and the hissing of wires before the titan lost its grip on Jean. He fell, hitting the ground faster than he could manage to get in the air again.  
  
  
  
He sat in the infirmary now, a wrap around his head and his broken arm. Due to the titan's short stature, the fall wasn't fatal. Doesn't mean he didn't get a hell of a bruising though.  
  
The door had been swinging open and shut with nurses and comrades since he was admitted, and if he was honest, it started to bug the fuck out of him. He knew he should have walked it off as soon as he was bandaged, but it was insisted he stay and recover for some time. He didn't belong there. He didn't consider himself heroic enough to be tended to. Soldiers were being treated left and right for saving civilians and comrades from their deaths and he was sitting here, taking up space because of a damn fall?  
  
It was pathetic. He should be helping the soldiers who needed it.  
  
  
The door swung open again and he had to hold his tongue as to not spit a snotty remark about his predicament.   
  
 _Oh._  
  
  
She walked in with the same anxious look on her face she always had. Eyes wide and lips drawn tight as to not twitch. Her hands held a tray  for him, which she set down in her own lap as she took a seat next to his bed.   
  
Jean didn't bother to avoid her gaze as the tension became more and more awkward in the room. Shuffling could be heard from the halls.  
  
He waited for her to initiate the inevitable conversation, eventually doing so himself.  
  
"You come here to stare at the floor or actually talk to me?"  
  
She rolled her eyes, "Half expected you to kick me out of the room as soon as I walked in it."  
  
Jean didn't respond, looking down at his lap. He hated the obvious tension.   
  
"I half expected you to show up," he scoffed.  
  
"Yeah, well," she lifted the sides of her lips in a weak attempted smile, "I'm not that petty."  
  
"You're not?"  
  
"Alright wise-guy," she smiled; fully this time, but it didn't last before she had that look again. She looked afraid.  
  
  
  
"I didn't mean - "  
"(Name), I'm -"  
  
They both looked at each other with flushed faces. Jean nodded at her to talk first.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said," she said, "I was just frustrated."  
  
He knew that; he was just too stubborn to admit it. "Yeah."  
  
"I'm serious Jean," she placed the tray on the table beside his cot. "And what was that out there? What were you doing?"  
  
"A titan grabbed me off guard. It happens."  
  
"It  _happens_? Jean, you're god damn  _lucky_  you got away. When a titan grabs you off guard, it doesn't usually end in you getting off with a broken arm and bruised ribs."  
  
"Well, I'm fine," he snapped back, "You don't talk to me at all for a week and now you want to talk to me?"  
  
"I thought you died, Jean."  
  
"Well, I didn't. I don't need to be scolded. I would have just invited my mother."  
  
She sneered, "You're as stubborn as a damn mule."  
  
  
"Here," she said, reaching for the tray. "Eat this before it gets cold."  
  
He took the tray, but only allowed it to sit in his lap.  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
"Back at HQ. I was with the logistic unit."   
  
He was relieved.  
  
  
The noise around them only got louder the quieter they were. They both wanted to say something; apologize, pray for the other. Anything to dismiss the argument they have yet to get over.  
  
  
"I'm sorry," (Name) finally said, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I love you, Jean."  
  
She placed her hand in his and he closed her smaller fist in his.   
  
  
"Yeah, I'm alright, (Name)."


	31. Angel | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Death

take an angel by the wings

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
_  
Each breath was more painful than the last, even without the maneuver belts constricting his torso. His desk was cluttered with paperwork, an unnatural setting for the Captain.  
  
He focused on his hands, laying his palms flat against the desk to cease their shaking.  
  
"You're strong Levi. You'll get past this."  
  
Is she even aware of what happened out there? What that _monster _did to his entire squad?  
  
"Don't tell me I'm strong."  
  
Her gaze shifted to the floor.  
  
  
And she was beside him.  
  
"You're strong, Levi. Regardless of what you think. You're the strongest man alive."  
  
"You sound like the rest of them."  
  
"Had you been named Humanity's Strongest or not, it wouldn't change. You know pain and loss and fear. You've seen death."  
  
  
He didn't reply, although he wanted to. Levi knew it would be pointless to argue. She's stubborn as a mule anyways.  
  
  
She held her hands on the sides of his face, gently turning him towards her. His chair shifted and he slowly leaned into her arms, head resting in the crook of her neck. Her hair tickled his face.    
  
God, he missed her._  
  
  
  
  
  
Blood.  _Everywhere._  He couldn't tell if it belonged to him, or a titan, or  _her_.   
  
She lay, unmoving, head turned away and hair tangled around her, stained with red, not (h/c).  
  
Levi forced himself onto the ground beside her, legs stiff and achey.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _"You have to be careful out there."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I mean it. If there's a good time to be here and help your comrades, it's now, (Name). You have to be more cautious."  
  
"I will. Just, trust me, okay?"_  
  
  
  
  
  
Why did he trust her? Why did he love her the way he did?   
  
He looped his arm under her back and lifted her towards his chest. His other hand grabbed her chin, forcing it up as gently as he possibly could manage. He was so anxious, absolutely terrified. He thought one wrong move and she'd be gone. He just has to hold her, and she'll be okay. She couldn't leave.  
  
"You're hurt."  
  
He gasped audibly. Her hand slowly comes in contact with his temple, fingers weaving into his hair and pushing strands away from the gash along the side of his head.  
  
  
"Stay awake."  
  
She nodded weakly. Levi turned back, looking around. The rotting corpses were the only thing in his vision, making his eyes water. Reinforcements...Where the hell were the damn reinforcements?  
  
  
  
  
  
 _(Name) kissed the side of Levi's head. They sat on the ground beside the desk, Levi curled into her. Had anyone else seen the sight, it would have been an obvious anomaly.  
  
"You look at yourself and see weakness, nothing," she says, brushing his hair away from his eyes like a mother to a child. "When I look at you, I see everything. Power, strength, hope. Love."  
  
He would have scoffed, had he not thought she was serious. Taking her words in for what they were was what he needed._  
  
  
  
  
  
"Levi, you are still in Titan territory."  
  
"You are too."  
  
She gave a small smile, "It's time for you to go."  
  
"You know I can't."  
  
"Levi-"  
  
"You know I can't!"  
  
  
Her smile faded and she looked straight into his eyes, piercing his very soul with the look. He knew what she wanted. She knew he wasn't going to leave. He wouldn't give up and  _leave_  her here.  
  
"Levi," she tried again, feeling her energy draining fast. "You can abolish the titans. I know you can."  
  
He shook his head frantically, a weak attempt to stop the cry bubbling in his eyes and throat.  
  
"You can."  
  
"What's the point?"  
  
She didn't answer. Her eyes were closed and her body slack. He choked back a sob and leaned forward into her.  
  
"What's the point?"  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


time to tell her everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Angel By The Wings by Sia


	32. Milk And Honey | Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Levi / Reader  
> Genre: Fluff  
> Warnings: N/A

every revolution starts...

* * *

  
  
A faint snow whispered over the city.  
  
Soft red hues dulled the sky.  
  
The bedroom was warm in contrast to the white coldness of the outside.  
  
Everything was quiet and lovely and perfect and (Name) just couldn't seem to get enough of it.  
  
The feeling of home in their small city apartment filled her heart and soul to the brim with joy. These are the moments she lived for.  
  
A small book sat on her lap, her thumb holding her page between closed covers. A dim yellow light peaked over to her from Levi's nightstand as he read his own book, tea in hand.   
  
He didn't seem to notice her staring, though if he did he didn't make it known.  
  
How did she get so lucky?  
  
His silver eyes flickered towards her, "Stop staring at me."  
  
(Name) smiled, placing her book on her own nightstand and turning to face her husband.   
  
"I can't. You're so amazing."  
  
He scoffed, "Please don't be cheesy."  
  
She laughed.   
  
"You should get to sleep, Levi. You've been working so hard all week."  
  
"I'm fine.  _You're_  the one that gets annoying if you don't get sleep."  
  
(Name) pushed herself onto all fours, slowly crawling towards him. He kept himself engaged in his book, but she saw past his game and picked it from his hands gently, placing it aside.   
  
"Tu es belle."  
  
She could have sworn she saw his lips turn up, even if only slightly.   
  
"Did I say it right?" she asked.  
  
He looked into her eyes, his own softer than usual. No hard glares that he'd give his coworkers or even his friends.  
  
"Tu es  _beau_ "  
  
She sat back on folded legs, "I was close."  
  
Levi grabbed the book again without reply, but instead placed it on the nightstand and clicked the lamp off. Still darkness surrounded them.  
  
The man leaned forward effortlessly, pressing a kiss so loving to her lips it was almost sin.   
  
"Je t'aime."  
  
"Levi, I don't know that one."  
  
"You don't have to know it," he said, sitting up and pushing his feet under the blankets, "Just remember it."  
  
  


* * *

 

...and ends with his lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired and based on the book Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur


	33. Hiraeth | Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pair: Jean / Reader  
> Genre: Angst  
> Warnings: Depression, Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiraeth (n.) - a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was

what will the room sound like without my voice...

* * *

  
  
Marco was one of a kind. Marco was smart when it came to handling people's feelings. Marco always knew what to say and do. Marco was the reason Jean and (Name) became friends in the first place. He was sweet, warm hearted. He was able to make anyone feel at home, even when in a place as brutal as the military.  
  
Marco was always there to step in when Jean fought with his comrades, and he was always there to listen to (Name) when she reminisced of the old days she spent safe with her family. Marco was always listening to the pair bickering and joking together. Marco was always trying to build a bridge between the two.   
  
And then, Marco was found. Battered, bloodied, leaning against a dirty wall all alone.  
  
Trost wasn't supposed to be the deciding factor. Hell, it wasn't supposed to be a factor at all. The trio were supposed to be on their way to the interior by then.   
  
Jean felt the blast of the news harder than anyone in his class, without a doubt. The two were closer than anyone, close like brothers. He mourned, but stayed strong, as strong as he could.  
  
At the fires, Jean had his own battered soul, but kept together because he knew his comrades needed to see it. He knew (Name) had to see it. She was always strong, but now, she couldn't even hold herself up.   
  
Jean was there to help her back to her dorm. Jean was always there, asking if she needed anything. Jean was always checking in on her to make sure she was still breathing, being in that same stuffy room all the time.  
  
Jean was always worried about her.  
  
It had been a week since Marco's body had been found, and there were only a few mere days until graduation. Jean made his decision against the Military Police. (Name) didn't talk to anybody.  
  
She'd been in her room since that night, not even getting up from bed unless she had to use the bathroom, which was far and between. Her roommates would bring her food now and again, but when Jean asked Sasha about it, she'd told him she refused to eat most of the time, so she'd leave the food on the nightstand.  
  
At this point, it only served to fuel his anger over Marco's death. Marco left Jean clueless - he didn't know how to comfort her like he did. How could he?  
  
Jean was beaten up over his friend's death too, where was his comfort?  
  
And now he finds himself standing in front of her door, with both hands at his side, knowing knocking will be fruitless. He turned the handle, slowly opening the door usually left unlocked for the other girls that would enter the room.  
  
Everyone else was out at the training grounds, practicing for their big final grades against their graduation. He knew she was not.  
  
Because she lay there on her side, facing the wall with blankets lumped up all around her. She didn't move or make any sign of acknowledgment to his presence, even when he shut the door louder than necessary. He noticed the now moldy and disgusting food still sitting on the tray beside her bed, leaving a foul odor in the air.  
  
"(Name)."  
  
He approached her bed, placing a gentle hand on what he believed her shoulder was. Finally, she flinched away.  
  
He sighed, feeling a smooth flow of anger creep up his bloodstream. Standing, he paced over to the wide window, curtains drawn shut, and he threw them open, a stream of light radiating right off the floorboards and onto her bed.   
  
"(Name)," he said, forcefully.  
  
Again he approached her bed, and gripped the blankets, yanking them down and revealing her curled up figure. She didn't turn, but reached for the blanket and pulled it up again.   
  
Is she serious?  
  
He pulled the blankets again, and she retaliated,  _again_.  
  
Breathing harshly out his nose, Jean grabbed the blankets and tore them from the bed, "(Name), get up!"  
  
"Go away!"   
  
Her voice caught him off guard - it was small and frail, weak and choked like she was crying.  
  
White hot anger flashed before his eyes and Jean grabbed her hands, yanking them away from her face, turning her forcefully. Her eyes looked almost bruised, red rimmed and wet, as she squinted against the light. She looked disastrous and it pissed him off more than her hiding away. How dare she not even take care of herself, how dare she worry Jean sick.   
  
What would Marco say?  
  
"Stop!"   
  
"You haven't even been to the training grounds, how are you ever going to make it to the Military Police if you don't pass that final?"  
  
She shifted, attempting to wrestle her hands from his grasp but his fists only tightened, eliciting a small whimper of protest from her.  
  
"You are being stupid, (Name)!"  
  
"I don't care! I don't need your help!"  
  
"You are being selfish! Maybe  _I_  need help!"   
  
She cried again, out of anger as she jolted her arms, desperate for freedom. (Name) kicked out her leg, pushing Jean from the bed unexpectedly but he refused to let up, only bringing her with him. As soon as she hit the cold wood floor, she screamed, kicking relentlessly.  
  
"(Name),  _stop_!"  
  
"Leave me alone!"  
  
Jean rolled over, slamming her wrist down on the floor. He hovered over her, angry tears blurring his own eyes.   
  
"You are going to get on your feet and clean yourself up. Then, you are going to the training grounds."  
  
"No!"  
  
"You need to explain yourself to the people who have lost just as much as you. The ones that still care for you out of the kindness of their hearts!"  
  
" _No_!"  
  
She stopped squirming, body exhausted, and just resorted to sobbing. Jean decided to let go, knowing she wouldn't go anywhere. She was out of fight.  
  
"I'm going to help you the whole way, (Name). I don't want to see you like this.  _Marco_  wouldn't want to see you like this."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
Jean stood, retrieving the blankets from the floor along with the sheets he tugged from the bed and throwing them in a laundry basket at the far end of the room. After he threw the food away, then going to the closet and shuffling around for her uniform, pulling it out and returning to her.  
  
"I'm not giving up on you."  
  


* * *

 

what will the room smell like without my scent...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired and based on verse called At 7:22 p.m., To My Love by R.H. Sin


End file.
